Week 50 --- Psalm 27:13

I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

I have to give you a preview of what I want to do in 2011 -- which is pretty much all coming from God's speaking to me through this verse. I'm interested in confidence. I'd like to get some at some point in my life. :) Do you know that there is nothing in God's word that would lead any of us to believe that we should be insecure about anything? Confident. I'm in.

I have a dear friend that has challenged herself to memorize the book of Philippians. That's big. But when I heard her talk about it, I got to thinking that I really carry some baggage around in my mind. Like a lot of it. And what better way to replace it, than to literally shove it out by filling it with an entire book of the Bible? I thought about this a lot, and tried to think of a book I could memorize over the next year and didn't really come up with anything specific. What I did do is read Psalm 27 at some point everyday, kind of accidentally and not with any purpose in mind. Surely this isn't an accident? So I've decided to commit this chapter to memory. There are 13 verses and the passage that I selected as week 50 here is the bookend on the tail end of the chapter. I am on day 2 and loving it. I have some time at work where I don't talk to anyone, and I am alone with my thoughts. I have got to assume you have moments like this in your day too? I have been repeating my memorization over and over in my head. Especially in moments when I'm tempted to dwell or stress on something, instead I say "the Lord is my light and my salvation, of whom should I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?" You had better believe I just typed that from memory! Hallelujah. Check this out -- I can keep going: "When evil men advance against me to devour me, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall" And that's all I got so far, and I may have had to double check that last part and correct it, but still! I'm liking it!

I've been thinking a lot about this past year. And I've also noticed that it is pretty much a socially-expected norm on a blog to post a year in review of sorts. I'm not quite ready to do that, but I have been thinking back a lot and want to share some things. I said a few posts back that I often find myself starting a new year just wanting do things differently, but this year I do think that I have some things that I am proud of from this past year. One of which is God zapping almost every ounce of pride right out of me--- So without being prideful, I want to do a little boasting in the Lord.

1. I helped a friend build something. Sometimes I get pretty down on myself for not accomplishing more. My job is pretty simple and I often wonder if I should be doing something different or taking more risks. For me personally, I have not done anything huge recently, but I have been there for my friends that have.

My good friend started a business this past year, and I have felt priviledged to be someone she can count on. It's been a long go of it for her, but I have loved serving her and her family by helping out. It's kept me busy on days that I had too much time on my hands to dwell on unnecessary things, and has given me a family here in Omaha that I dearly love.

2. I got help. There is a time to throw up the white flag my friends, and for me that was this past year. I found a woman who counseled me with scripture and helped me discover God in new ways. Dena spoke scriptures to me that showed me how the Bible brings healing. Admitting that you don't have it all together is a huge step. Or in my case a very very very huge step. God broke my heart and has put it back together in new ways that I am forever grateful.

3. Took a step in faith. My dad started a new ministry. And when he first mentioned it to me I was pretty fearful. But I had just spent a week in Mexico where they had been singing this song that I could not stop thinking about. The song is called La Montana and its message is that if you, in faith, say to a mountain move, it will move. And the way that they sing this song, I truly believe they could do it. My dad's ministry is to International Students and I think the next 10 years are going to be full of extra seats set at holiday dinners for people from other countries. I am blessed to be a part of this. Blessed. 

These are some Korean students making Gim-Bop, a sushi-esque dish in my parent's kitchen.

These are a few pics from the graduation reception my family hosted for our Korean family member, Jaekuen.

4. Stop drinking out of the Don't Panic mug. This mug is pictured in my little Blog Banner and I really do love it --- but in the past year I have made it to a place where my best attempt at life is stronger than to simply not panic.

Does that make sense? I hope so. I have lived in the grip of anxiety for a long time. But I think there's more out there for me than just living a life absent of fear. God provides. I know this. I bought that mug for the message and I thought that it was just an individual gem --- well come to find out it's part of a set. What message will I "drink out of" this year? I can't wait to decide. A life where fear does not plague you offers you TONS more options. ****If you're drinking out of the Don't Panic mug still, I love you to death, and I know what it's like-- There is hope and healing in Jesus and He never intended for you to live like that, email me if you need more direction in scripture to come out of this!  

5. Get it out into the Light! I love this Blog. It might be what I'm most proud of from the past year. Scripture meditation was something I had read one thing about and somehow decided I wanted to try--- 52 weeks later here I am --- feeling privileged to have spent that time seeking Him in His word. If you are one of the people that reads this blog, I am so so thankful for you. You encourage me just by letting me know I can ramble off some thoughts and someone might get something out of it. Oh I'm thankful for you. It helps me understand things if I can write them out, and you have helped me discover that. I officially have 4 followers, and two of them are Jeanne. I absolutely love it. :)

6. I made friends with Esther. I think I always knew scripture was a critical part of my faith, but it never came alive to me like it did this past year studying Esther. I feel like I know her, and I feel like I lived life in those pages of my Bible. I shared with some friends that finishing that book and moving the little ribbon thing out of the pages was a sad thing for me --- I didn't want it to end. Isn't it amazing that the same God that gave Esther courage and wit is the same God that gives me strength? It blows my mind. I am forever grateful for Esther's place in history and how I needed to discover it in the year 2010, for such a time as this. Gives me chills.

7. Embracing Mercy. God's mercy surrounds us so much and I'm pretty convinced we have no idea how much we are spared from things. I watched my mom hug a woman's whose son committed suicide on Tuesday this week. We had never met this woman but my brother was good friends with Hans. My mother, full of a tender grace that she has been blessed with, brought this woman a meal and offered her sympathies.

I stood and stared thinking how I would feel if a stranger brought soup to my mom if she was in this situation and it just broke my heart. God thank you for being the protector of my family. Help me to pray for salvation over safety everyday.

8. Grow a Backbone. I found myself in situations this past year that absolutely required me to determine who I am. I am a hot mess. :) Fully knowing that I have no power to save myself and that Jesus is the stronghold of my life is so so clear to a person that doesn't have it all together. I would not trade this perspective for anything.

 I mentioned that God has zapped quite a bit of pride out of me and it has left me with a heart for people that also aren't perfect. I love people that are real --- people that are down in the trenches of real issues and owning it --- who are we trying to fool here? We've got problems. Let's get them out into the light and help each other.

9. I told the truth. Whoa Nelly. If you are one of my friend's that stood by me through this I am so so thankful for you. You are my cloud of witnesses and encouraged me to throw off everything that hinders and run this stinking race. Hallelujah!

10. Speaking of my Cloud of Witnesses.... I am so blessed with women (and a few men) in my life that love Jesus and challenge me in my journey. 

They are who I find myself going through life with and I love them dearly. The cloud has expanded to include a Sunday night Bible study of women that cross my mind all the time. I have loved sharing and growing and just being with these ladies. They are precious to me, and challenge me to a new level of faith that I am just starting to explore.  

I remain confident, that I have seen the goodness of God in 2010 and will continue to discover Him in new crazy ways in 2011. I cannot wait.