"God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes"
I've been thinking a lot about our memories and what that looks like through the perspective of scripture. I was sitting on my friend's porch a couple weeks ago--- having a mini-breakdown if I remember correctly--- :) but I was just pouring out my heart and all the things that I was upset about and all the things that were so painful to even talk about that just made me cry on the spot. I started telling her about a movie I had seen called Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind ... I included the preview here for you, which after watching it I decided is much creepier than I remembered. I'm going to hit the highlights that were impactful to me if you don't make it through the whole clip...
The idea of the movie, is that people pay someone to erase their memories that are just too painful to bare. The main character goes through a difficult end to a relationship and decides the memory of it is not worth it. As i was sitting on my friend's porch that night, I choked out the admission that if this was a real thing, i think I would do it. When I was driving home that night, the only thing on my mind that I regretted saying was that statement. It gave me this panic, unease, and unsettled feeling to have said those words outloud. I kept thinking about why it gave me so much guilt to say those words and I think it is because deep down I believe that God uses every single instance in our lives to draw us closer to Him and to reveal himself to us. For me to say I want you to take any of those moments away, would be to doubt his purpose and presence in my life through those difficult times.
Later that week I was driving downtown in my car, and the song Blessed Assurance came on the radio. "This is my story, this is my song, Praising my Saviour all the day long" Now that's what I'm talking about. What is my story? I know it's so far from perfect, but it is also so far from being done. :) I want people to look at my life -- even the messy, painful parts --- and see Christ as being the author and perfector of my story. I want to be able to tell people that to have missed even one of those memories where Jesus provided strength in a difficult time, would have been a huge loss. I love hearing Beth Moore talk about the heritage she's taught her daughters they have -- she talks about making sure they want the relationship with Christ that she has found. "To miss this part of my life, would be to miss everything" Isn't that a statement?!
This verse talks about God re-writing the text of our lives when we open the book of our hearts to his eyes. Oh I want to let Him! I think there's really two parts here -- he does the writing and we do the opening. We both have a part.
So back to my original statement of really questioning what to do with some of the painful memories that are included in the text of my life. I've been praying about this quite a bit. I know that these things are part of my story, but I don't know what to do when recalling them makes me sad. I remembered studying something last summer that was along these lines so I looked it up again. The author told us to read Psalm 103 and take away the statement of "forget not God's benefits..."
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my
inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul, and
forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins and heals
all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you
with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good
things so that your youth is renewed like
the eagle's.
6 The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the
oppressed.
She then told us that as we recall our memories, to assign one of God's benefits to that particular time in our lives. Whether He's forgiving us, redeeming us, satisfying us ---- whatever that looked like in our life at that point in time, to forget not that benefit. I figure at this point I'll try anything. :) And it can't hurt right??
(This should be the last of my onslaught of blog posts. I think i am caught up.)
No comments:
Post a Comment