***I guess I forgot I started writing this 2 weeks ago??? So I just added on my thoughts from today at the end :)
My meaning of the last chapter of my Psalms of Ascent journey was this:
"Do not forget why I brought you here"
Do not forget why I brought you here. I've been thinking about this a lot the past week as I've been working out my notice at my job.
The goal of the people that made the journey to Jerusalem throughout these Psalms was to get there to worship God in His temple.
I think it's hard for us not to get caught up in ourselves when we accomplish something. Even when we know God is the one who has brought us through, we are quick to credit ourselves in doing the work. Throughout the process of changing jobs, I do feel like I have been quick to acknowledge God's provision in opening the right doors and closing the wrong ones -- but at the end of the day I'm trying to really focus on why He did all that for me. It was to bring me to a new place to worship Him.
I have been on an emotional roller coaster over the past week and a half. Particularly during the episode of the Office this week. I had no business watching that. A normal person might tear up just a little. Not me. Tears running down my face --- and me trying to be cool and not wipe them away to down play the situation, resulting in tears running down my neck ---- all this to say it really got to me. Just a little too close to home. It's possible God spoke to me through Jim Halpert as something he said ran through my mind this whole week. Michael is getting ready to leave and he says "It's just so sad, am I making a mistake by leaving" and Jim replies "Absolutely not."
****and here we are today.... :)
I've now been in the new job for 2 weeks, and it has been great for the most part. It's a lot of adjustments -- new people, new schedule, new expectations, new routines. It hasn't been too bad, but I think the honeymoon period is ending and I'm ready to just know what I'm doing again.
I'm trying to remember the last Psalm whenever I want to complain --- do not forget why I brought you here. He's brought me here to discover a new place to praise Him, and I don't want to miss that.
I never thought a lot about what I wanted to "do" when I grew up. Even into my college years I didn't worry about it too much, I just always wanted to be a wife and a mom more than anything, and didn't put much thought into an actual trade or occupation. I've struggled with this over the years, because it's a hard realization when you discover that whatever job you choose to do, is at best your 2nd choice.
But I'm starting to really see the value in my 2nd choice. I've had so many amazing opportunities through my jobs, and I've been priviledged to work with some of the most dynamic leaders in the world. It's so humbling when I think of how much respect I have for my past boss, and how much that person that I thought was so amazing, chose to teach, mentor and guide me. Without even knowing it --- she has furthered the kingdom of God by helping me learn skills that have helped me minister and speak to others. I love how God worked like that. In my new role, I get to help people discover ways they can enhance and improve their leadership skills. What a privilege I have to help people learn ways then can lead others more effectively. I am blessed and excited and terrified. What an undertaking.
I've been thinking about how if I'd gotten married when I was in my early twenties like I had planned --- how much of this I would have missed. All the things about my personality and my own leadership story that maybe never would have happened if I hadn't experienced life over the past 7 years. The testimony that I now have of God's redemption and grace that I hold so close to my heart-- I wouldn't trade it for anything.
When I sum up the past 2 weeks, and the past 20 years in my mind, and think of the phrase "do not forget why I brought you here" I am so full of gratitude and love for Jesus and my heavenly father. He knows what He's doing and I'm so lucky to get to be a part of it.
It's been such a peaceful day. I'm loving the Saturdays off. It's such a wonderful feeling when the natural resting place of your face is a smile. I spent my Friday with two of my best friends in this life and we ate fried delicious food, made one particularly extravagant footwear purchase, and watched a somewhat raunchy movie together. Today I went to the farmer's market and loaded up on all kinds of great stuff for the week, went to a workout class called "hustle" (which was exactly like it sounds) and spent the afternoon wrapped up in a quilt, listening to Iron and Wine (what you are enjoying listening to right now), watching old movies and sipping coffee and eating a chocolate croissant (from the market this morning). Lovely.
I'm so thankful for weekends, and new jobs, and grace, and 2nd choices....
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