But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
This may be one of the first things I ask God about when I get to heaven. Wouldn't your power have been made more perfect in my strengths? I am such a firm believer in enhancing our natural talents and cultivating our skills that it is such a hard thing for me to grasp that my weaknesses have a purpose. I'd please like to do something I'm good at for a little bit!
However Jesus knew what we would be like and He knew that we would be a people that would take the glory for ourselves if we thought for even a second we were the ones who had earned it. His power is made perfect in our weaknesses --- I just have to keep telling myself that to let it sink in.
I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. What does that look like in our lives? "God, I just don't think I can do this." "God, it's too much, I'm not ready" "God, someone stronger or smarter or less of a sinner should do this instead of me" That feels like admitting failure to say those things, but when we acknowledge our weakness we offer it to him so that the power of Christ may rest upon us. We give him our inability and he gives us His strength. It doesn't seem fair, but He offers it to us and can I just tell you that I've had a front row seat to watching this play out and it's so so true.
I think half of this battle is just showing up. God promises to be our strength in times of weakness, and if we just listen to His voice and follow his leading, he puts us in positions to show his strength. But we have to show up. And that to me is all about obedience. I've been praying about doing something very difficult for about a month now, and as it got closer my prayers got less vague and highly spiritual and more "God, I think I can get myself to the parking lot, but I'm going to need you to do the rest." I will be obedient to what your word says, and to what I know you have asked me to do --- but I am weak, and I can't do it by myself. A big part of my prayer leading up to this time of my life has been back in the book of Esther. "If you remain silent, relief and deliverance will arise from another place....But who knows that you have come to power for such a time as this." Beth Swinney, I do not need you to accomplish my will in this situation. But if you would just trust me, I will put you in a place to speak truth and heal your heart at the same time. This is not an accident, and I know what I'm doing, if you would just trust.
The chapter goes on to say this in verse 10:
"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
So can I just say that I have experienced some victory over anxiety and worry :) About the time I graduated college until about a year and a half ago I have been crippled by thoughts that just debilitate me and leave me insecure and anxious. Part of this has come from things that I was hearing from others, but the other half was junk I was working up in my own mind. I specifically remember a week where I was just dreading going to work. I had been out on a project for about 9 months and the thought of going back to my regular job left me sleepless and shaken. I was staying at a friends house and as I slept in their 9 year old's baseball themed room that he had loaned me for the night I prayed and prayed about what was coming up. I really feel like Jesus spoke to me and said Beth, worry and anxiety is SIN, and I died so that you would never have to feel the way you do right now. I made a choice and a sacrifice to free you from those awful feelings you're having right now. Give them to me, I never meant for you to live like that. Worry was my weakness and my difficulty and when those feelings rush on me, I know that Jesus is the strength in those times and the reminder of what it cost for my sins to be covered like this.
Oh friends, life is hard. I think a lot harder than we thought it would be. There are situations in our homes and with our families and in relationships and at work that just drain us to complete emptiness. Jesus never meant for us to feel weak, he meant for us to reach our arms up for strength. Whatever it is in your life, man I hope that rings true to you. I can type so confidently about this when I'm home in my chair and it's quiet and calm, but I need a daily reminder to not let work stress me out, to not let relationships freak me out, and to not let life and its unknowns leave me in a panic.
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