2010 was a year that needed some structure. I did the 52 verses in a desperate attempt to get myself into my Bible on a regular basis. It worked. I'm totally into it and have been trying to decide what to do in 2011 to stay excited.
I discovered that I really like seeking something out. If you've been following the blog for a few months, you know that I was way interested in finding answers about God's goodness for awhile. And while I don't have specific answers, I have found that God's goodness is all over that Bible. I find more when I'm looking with a purpose.
My goal for 2011 is to pick 12 things I want to learn more about and look for scriptures and verses to help me understand. I was talking with a woman that works for me today and she challenged me that I really like to create forms and guides and checklists and schedules and quizzes when I train them on something ...then she said something mind-blowing...."sometimes we just need you to talk to us"
12 is my goal, which would be one topic per month, but if I get really interested in something or God puts it on my heart to keep on something, I'm going to just go with it instead of "checking it off a list and keeping on schedule". There's got to be some room for grace right?
So January? You might be wondering? ....it's all about Confidence.
Here's how I have started this journey of learning how to be confident in Jesus--- (Well aside from living the previous 26 years of my life not confidently and finally identifying it, I guess I did that first...) ---but I have started with some scripture memorization. Here it goes team, we are on the honor system here, so trust me when I tell you I am typing this from memory:
Psalm 27
The Lord is my Light and my Salvation
of whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life
of whom shall I be afraid?
When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh
When my enemies and my foes attacked me
They stumbled and fell.
Though an army besiege me,
my heart shall not fear
Though wars rise up against me,
Even then will I be confident.
One thing I ask of the Lord,
this is what I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life
To gaze upon the beauty of the Lord,
to seek Him in His temple.
Then in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in His dwelling place.
OH YEAH!!! That's all I got so far --- it's verses 1 through 5ish, out of a total of 14. More to come. I'm liking how it feels to have this stuff locked in my head. It's also what I've found is my kick-off to confidence.
I've been trying to think about what has come before the "even then will I be confident" in my life. David, the man who wrote this Psalm was concerned with physical safety it seems. He's worried about armies and wars and "the wicked" and all that seems pretty legit as far as things to be anxious about... :) But what has it been for me??
The Lord is the stronghold of my life,
of whom shall I be afraid.
Though people have hurt me in my past and made me feel worthless?
though I haven't accomplished what I set out to do?
My heart shall not fear.
Though I struggle with being single, and my heart hurts sometimes...
Even then will I be confident.
I think there's a lot of things I could "fill in" to that Psalm and I'm pretty sure you could too. The truly interesting part is that when you put your confidence in Jesus, the response is always the same.
Confidence is a tricky thing. It makes us really evaluate where our security comes from and where we find our strength. I'm really excited about this process and I hope that if you have thoughts or questions or quotes or ideas you'll leave them here too so you can help me figure this out. :)
Confidently His,
Beth
OH! Do you get the Sound of Music banner???
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Week 52 --- Psalm 81:5
I hear this most gentle whisper from One
I never guessed would speak to me...
So I'm really bad at finishing things. If you are looking for someone to cast a vision, or brainstorm an idea, or get people excited about starting a project --- I'm your girl. But bringing it all to completeness and closure, I struggle with that....
Here are some books that I'm currently reading.....
Some of these I just started, some have been on this shelf for a long time....
Check out where my bookmarks are... haha... I get started and then I want to start something else and I never make it back to them...
Well, and then I guess there are these that are by my bed that I've started too ... it's not like it's a race to finish them, but I struggle to finish what I've started.
And in my attempt to illustrate for you all how this is an issue for me, I'm now totally freaking myself out that I really do have a problem to deal with here. Mercy. I did not see this going this way.
This is a piece I started several years ago...
I've got big plans for adding these little ceramic pieces and creating somewhat of a mosaic with this...but it's been years in the making. I can honestly justify that I don't have a lot of time for my artwork, but I also think there's something about me that likes to have a lot of things "in progress".
All this to say... the 52 verses I've been talking about? Finished it. It's such a perfect example of how God's power is made perfect in our weaknesses, because as I've stated, I'm not a good finisher.
In fact, I didn't tell very many people I was going to do this. Just two in the beginning. And then I gained some confidence and started sharing with a few people. And can I just tell you, the journey of following God through scripture, one verse at a time has absolutely rocked me to my core. Did you know He'll talk to you? He really will. The verses in His Word are not an accident and he wrote them to help us. It's been such a discovery.
Speaking of discovery, I think that I find more in the Bible if I'm really looking for it. Maybe that's oversimplifying. But if you are a fan through the pages and hope that the Bible will fall open to what you need for that moment kind of gal, I'm really glad that works for you and I know God has the power to speak to you that way --- but what has blessed me has been the times where I'm honest with God, we figure out my needs, and then I search the scriptures for something that speaks to that. And it never dissappoints.
This year has really helped me see the beauty in sticking with something to the end. I've decided it's good for the soul to try and do something that takes a year to finish.
If I ever get a tattoo, it will be this line of music...
This was my recital piece when I was in the 7th grade I think. It's a ho hum little Scherzando that probably every piano-playing kid has learned. The music is lovely, until you get to the end that is...and then it starts to build...and by the end you are playing faster, and it's getting exciting and then these low crashing chords bring you to the last line that makes playing through the whole song totally worth it. Its a reminder to me to finish things. The ending is sometimes the best part.
I've struggled with how to end this year-long project, I've put off writing this last journal entry, because I don't really want it to end. I stopped emailing the verses on Sunday nights when December ended, and last week I sent one out, just because I missed it. Jesus, how thankful I am that your Word has burned such an impression on my heart that I miss it when I'm not talking about it with others.
My hope for what I'd like to do to keep myself (and maybe others) accountable in 2011 for being in the scriptures is already cooking and I will share with you all soon. I think there's something to be said for having a plan and I'm excited for what that's going to look like.
I never guessed would speak to me...
So I'm really bad at finishing things. If you are looking for someone to cast a vision, or brainstorm an idea, or get people excited about starting a project --- I'm your girl. But bringing it all to completeness and closure, I struggle with that....
Here are some books that I'm currently reading.....
And in my attempt to illustrate for you all how this is an issue for me, I'm now totally freaking myself out that I really do have a problem to deal with here. Mercy. I did not see this going this way.
This is a piece I started several years ago...
All this to say... the 52 verses I've been talking about? Finished it. It's such a perfect example of how God's power is made perfect in our weaknesses, because as I've stated, I'm not a good finisher.
In fact, I didn't tell very many people I was going to do this. Just two in the beginning. And then I gained some confidence and started sharing with a few people. And can I just tell you, the journey of following God through scripture, one verse at a time has absolutely rocked me to my core. Did you know He'll talk to you? He really will. The verses in His Word are not an accident and he wrote them to help us. It's been such a discovery.
Speaking of discovery, I think that I find more in the Bible if I'm really looking for it. Maybe that's oversimplifying. But if you are a fan through the pages and hope that the Bible will fall open to what you need for that moment kind of gal, I'm really glad that works for you and I know God has the power to speak to you that way --- but what has blessed me has been the times where I'm honest with God, we figure out my needs, and then I search the scriptures for something that speaks to that. And it never dissappoints.
This year has really helped me see the beauty in sticking with something to the end. I've decided it's good for the soul to try and do something that takes a year to finish.
If I ever get a tattoo, it will be this line of music...
I've struggled with how to end this year-long project, I've put off writing this last journal entry, because I don't really want it to end. I stopped emailing the verses on Sunday nights when December ended, and last week I sent one out, just because I missed it. Jesus, how thankful I am that your Word has burned such an impression on my heart that I miss it when I'm not talking about it with others.
My hope for what I'd like to do to keep myself (and maybe others) accountable in 2011 for being in the scriptures is already cooking and I will share with you all soon. I think there's something to be said for having a plan and I'm excited for what that's going to look like.
Dear God,
I thank you for the year 2010. I thank you for the times that brought me to my knees and the times that I could hardly contain myself with how much joy you give. I thank you for your word and the way I see you work through it. I thank you for my chair and my favorite quilt and how I look forward to spending time reading about you in that spot. I thank you for the words that you gave to me at the perfect moment throughout 12 months, 52 weeks and 365 days, help me to believe that your purpose and your timing is for my benefit and my good. I thank you for the women who joined me on this and sent emails, left comments or mentioned the verse that week -- the accountability was precious to me. As I look back over the year, I'm struck by how real you are and how close you are to me. I'm thankful for your patience with me :) I'm thankful you didn't give up on me. Sitting here now I'm wondering what's next? And even as I type that it makes me a little nervous. Help me to anticipate Your goodness and look forward to how I can serve You in the coming year. Man I love you. I had no idea how great this could be.
Love, Beth
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Week 51 --- Luke 2:33-35
This child marks both the failure and
the recovery of many in Israel,
A figure misunderstood and contradicted—the pain of a sword-thrust through you—
But the rejection will force honesty,
as God reveals who they really are.
Ok team, I am dangerously close to leaving this 52 verse adventure hanging because I can't think of anything insightful to say about week 51.... I am soooooo prone to leaving things unfinished, which I'll tell you about next week, so I'm going to just duke this out and see what happens :)
This past Christmas I was really trying to figure out who Jesus was --- which I have a pretty good idea, but scripture is full of things that I had no idea were even in there, so I like to be on the look out.
One thing that stuck out is the term Immanuel -- God with us. Do you think he could have accomplished His will in Heaven without coming to be with us? Absolutely. Did he do it anyway? Yes. And he would have done that just for me. I'm so overwhelmed with the fact that after everything I have done and everything I'll probably still do, God still wants to be with me. He wants to know what I think. He wants to know my heart. Just crazy. God with us.
This scripture I thought was particularly interesting. It's Simeon's blessing over Jesus. "This child marks both the failure and the recovery of many in Israel..." I am so blessed to be sitting on the recovery side of this statement. My church just started offering a program called Celebrate Recovery and I could not be more proud to attend a church that welcomes people that struggle. I've been thinking a lot about the phrase celebrate recovery and it really is something to celebrate. We celebrate birthdays every year, and what have we really done to accomplish that? Now recovery....standing on the other side of something that had complete control over you, and walking victoriously...that is something to celebrate. If you have found yourself in a place in life where some sin had a complete and utter stronghold on you, you know what I mean. It is only by being broken and accepting grace that we allow Jesus to rescue us from our messes. It makes me want to put my hands up in the air and praise Him for where I am today versus where I was a few years ago. I was talking with a friend about the woman who was caught in adultery and thrown before Jesus. She asked me if I was that woman, would I still look back and feel guilty about the things that I had done? I said yes for sure I would, but what would stick out in my mind the most was that crazy day where I should have been stoned and that man saved me. It just makes me smile thinking of this woman cleaning her house or going about her work and just shaking her head wondering if that really happened to her?
Grace is hard to accept isn't it? It's so hard for us to fathom that not only do we struggle to believe it for ourselves, but we withold it from others for the same reason. I know I've said this on this blog before, but when I was just stuck in sin, I was talking with a friend and I remember telling her that if grace really is real, then it is just too good to be true. Especially for someone like me. But here's the thing ---- that is when I really started to understand Jesus more, a little bit anyway. Grace is so so so much more than we deserve, and the moment we start to wrap our minds around that, is when we start to see how much Jesus loves us. While we were still trying to get our act together, while we were still trying to be good enough, while we were still choosing to live a life full of sin, while we were still 'fill in your blank', Christ died for us.
I think we struggle to offer Grace to others also, in that our churches are full of people keeping secrets because they fear what will happen to them if they tell. I don't know how people determine that they are in a place to judge others, but man does it happen. Sometimes I find myself judging people for judging people if that makes sense?
I'm both encouraged and fearful of the statement "But the rejection will force honesty, as God reveals who they really are." I pray daily that God will change my heart to be more like His, but an all out revealing of who I really am....yikes... I don't want that on the front page of anything. However here's the other part, I have been deeply hurt by someone in my past and I often wonder what happens about that. This could be way out in left field but see if you can get this with me... I know that God forgives all sins, and I know that that even includes the ones that were done to me. So as much as I want justice and some sort of finality to that, I know that I am part of a faith that offers grace and forgiveness to everyone. But still. What about that stuff that was done to me, that no one is sorry about, and that not a lot of people are even aware happened. I feel like this verse encourages me to know that Jesus sees a persons true heart and how they accept and offer His grace really does reveal who they really are.... I don't know if any of that makes sense, just some thoughts running through my head.
This whole post has gotten pretty heavy.
Let me lighten things up by sharing some of the other things I find running through my head on this random Wednesday in January :)
I need one of these buttons in the real life...
"There are no more possible moves. What do you want to do?" Particularly in regards to relationships. I just need a button to pop up and say, "Seriously, you have done enough, and there are really no more moves, you should walk away". Hahaha, this probably could apply to a lot in my life.
I'm also making a mental list of things that I have no idea how I ever lived without them.
Pandora. Seriously. I'm not a big enough fan to pay for the service yet, but I have this on probably every moment that I'm in my apt. What did I do before??
Keurig Coffee. It's quick. It's simple. It's made for one person. I had a k-cup sized hole in my heart that has now been filled.
Allrecipes.com --- do you guys use this? Here's how this goes. I type into the search engine whatever it is I want, and then I sort the results by how many people have commented on it. My thinking is that if 1,000 people take the time to say something nice about a recipe, it's probably pretty good. This plan is working. I have found some amazing stuff, including the Creme Brulee Cheesecake bars seen here.
I've also been thinking a lot about people's understanding of Redemption and what Women's ministry looks like in any given church. But I'm going to save these topics for later.
I'm hoping your January finds you content with the slower time of the year and anticipating what all might happen in the coming months. Hope everyone is doing well out there. Love to you all. Beth
the recovery of many in Israel,
A figure misunderstood and contradicted—the pain of a sword-thrust through you—
But the rejection will force honesty,
as God reveals who they really are.
Ok team, I am dangerously close to leaving this 52 verse adventure hanging because I can't think of anything insightful to say about week 51.... I am soooooo prone to leaving things unfinished, which I'll tell you about next week, so I'm going to just duke this out and see what happens :)
This past Christmas I was really trying to figure out who Jesus was --- which I have a pretty good idea, but scripture is full of things that I had no idea were even in there, so I like to be on the look out.
One thing that stuck out is the term Immanuel -- God with us. Do you think he could have accomplished His will in Heaven without coming to be with us? Absolutely. Did he do it anyway? Yes. And he would have done that just for me. I'm so overwhelmed with the fact that after everything I have done and everything I'll probably still do, God still wants to be with me. He wants to know what I think. He wants to know my heart. Just crazy. God with us.
This scripture I thought was particularly interesting. It's Simeon's blessing over Jesus. "This child marks both the failure and the recovery of many in Israel..." I am so blessed to be sitting on the recovery side of this statement. My church just started offering a program called Celebrate Recovery and I could not be more proud to attend a church that welcomes people that struggle. I've been thinking a lot about the phrase celebrate recovery and it really is something to celebrate. We celebrate birthdays every year, and what have we really done to accomplish that? Now recovery....standing on the other side of something that had complete control over you, and walking victoriously...that is something to celebrate. If you have found yourself in a place in life where some sin had a complete and utter stronghold on you, you know what I mean. It is only by being broken and accepting grace that we allow Jesus to rescue us from our messes. It makes me want to put my hands up in the air and praise Him for where I am today versus where I was a few years ago. I was talking with a friend about the woman who was caught in adultery and thrown before Jesus. She asked me if I was that woman, would I still look back and feel guilty about the things that I had done? I said yes for sure I would, but what would stick out in my mind the most was that crazy day where I should have been stoned and that man saved me. It just makes me smile thinking of this woman cleaning her house or going about her work and just shaking her head wondering if that really happened to her?
Grace is hard to accept isn't it? It's so hard for us to fathom that not only do we struggle to believe it for ourselves, but we withold it from others for the same reason. I know I've said this on this blog before, but when I was just stuck in sin, I was talking with a friend and I remember telling her that if grace really is real, then it is just too good to be true. Especially for someone like me. But here's the thing ---- that is when I really started to understand Jesus more, a little bit anyway. Grace is so so so much more than we deserve, and the moment we start to wrap our minds around that, is when we start to see how much Jesus loves us. While we were still trying to get our act together, while we were still trying to be good enough, while we were still choosing to live a life full of sin, while we were still 'fill in your blank', Christ died for us.
I think we struggle to offer Grace to others also, in that our churches are full of people keeping secrets because they fear what will happen to them if they tell. I don't know how people determine that they are in a place to judge others, but man does it happen. Sometimes I find myself judging people for judging people if that makes sense?
I'm both encouraged and fearful of the statement "But the rejection will force honesty, as God reveals who they really are." I pray daily that God will change my heart to be more like His, but an all out revealing of who I really am....yikes... I don't want that on the front page of anything. However here's the other part, I have been deeply hurt by someone in my past and I often wonder what happens about that. This could be way out in left field but see if you can get this with me... I know that God forgives all sins, and I know that that even includes the ones that were done to me. So as much as I want justice and some sort of finality to that, I know that I am part of a faith that offers grace and forgiveness to everyone. But still. What about that stuff that was done to me, that no one is sorry about, and that not a lot of people are even aware happened. I feel like this verse encourages me to know that Jesus sees a persons true heart and how they accept and offer His grace really does reveal who they really are.... I don't know if any of that makes sense, just some thoughts running through my head.
This whole post has gotten pretty heavy.
Let me lighten things up by sharing some of the other things I find running through my head on this random Wednesday in January :)
I need one of these buttons in the real life...
"There are no more possible moves. What do you want to do?" Particularly in regards to relationships. I just need a button to pop up and say, "Seriously, you have done enough, and there are really no more moves, you should walk away". Hahaha, this probably could apply to a lot in my life.
I'm also making a mental list of things that I have no idea how I ever lived without them.
I've also been thinking a lot about people's understanding of Redemption and what Women's ministry looks like in any given church. But I'm going to save these topics for later.
I'm hoping your January finds you content with the slower time of the year and anticipating what all might happen in the coming months. Hope everyone is doing well out there. Love to you all. Beth
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Week 50 --- Psalm 27:13
I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
I have to give you a preview of what I want to do in 2011 -- which is pretty much all coming from God's speaking to me through this verse. I'm interested in confidence. I'd like to get some at some point in my life. :) Do you know that there is nothing in God's word that would lead any of us to believe that we should be insecure about anything? Confident. I'm in.
I have a dear friend that has challenged herself to memorize the book of Philippians. That's big. But when I heard her talk about it, I got to thinking that I really carry some baggage around in my mind. Like a lot of it. And what better way to replace it, than to literally shove it out by filling it with an entire book of the Bible? I thought about this a lot, and tried to think of a book I could memorize over the next year and didn't really come up with anything specific. What I did do is read Psalm 27 at some point everyday, kind of accidentally and not with any purpose in mind. Surely this isn't an accident? So I've decided to commit this chapter to memory. There are 13 verses and the passage that I selected as week 50 here is the bookend on the tail end of the chapter. I am on day 2 and loving it. I have some time at work where I don't talk to anyone, and I am alone with my thoughts. I have got to assume you have moments like this in your day too? I have been repeating my memorization over and over in my head. Especially in moments when I'm tempted to dwell or stress on something, instead I say "the Lord is my light and my salvation, of whom should I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?" You had better believe I just typed that from memory! Hallelujah. Check this out -- I can keep going: "When evil men advance against me to devour me, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall" And that's all I got so far, and I may have had to double check that last part and correct it, but still! I'm liking it!
I've been thinking a lot about this past year. And I've also noticed that it is pretty much a socially-expected norm on a blog to post a year in review of sorts. I'm not quite ready to do that, but I have been thinking back a lot and want to share some things. I said a few posts back that I often find myself starting a new year just wanting do things differently, but this year I do think that I have some things that I am proud of from this past year. One of which is God zapping almost every ounce of pride right out of me--- So without being prideful, I want to do a little boasting in the Lord.
1. I helped a friend build something. Sometimes I get pretty down on myself for not accomplishing more. My job is pretty simple and I often wonder if I should be doing something different or taking more risks. For me personally, I have not done anything huge recently, but I have been there for my friends that have.
My good friend started a business this past year, and I have felt priviledged to be someone she can count on. It's been a long go of it for her, but I have loved serving her and her family by helping out. It's kept me busy on days that I had too much time on my hands to dwell on unnecessary things, and has given me a family here in Omaha that I dearly love.
2. I got help. There is a time to throw up the white flag my friends, and for me that was this past year. I found a woman who counseled me with scripture and helped me discover God in new ways. Dena spoke scriptures to me that showed me how the Bible brings healing. Admitting that you don't have it all together is a huge step. Or in my case a very very very huge step. God broke my heart and has put it back together in new ways that I am forever grateful.
3. Took a step in faith. My dad started a new ministry. And when he first mentioned it to me I was pretty fearful. But I had just spent a week in Mexico where they had been singing this song that I could not stop thinking about. The song is called La Montana and its message is that if you, in faith, say to a mountain move, it will move. And the way that they sing this song, I truly believe they could do it. My dad's ministry is to International Students and I think the next 10 years are going to be full of extra seats set at holiday dinners for people from other countries. I am blessed to be a part of this. Blessed.
4. Stop drinking out of the Don't Panic mug. This mug is pictured in my little Blog Banner and I really do love it --- but in the past year I have made it to a place where my best attempt at life is stronger than to simply not panic.
Does that make sense? I hope so. I have lived in the grip of anxiety for a long time. But I think there's more out there for me than just living a life absent of fear. God provides. I know this. I bought that mug for the message and I thought that it was just an individual gem --- well come to find out it's part of a set. What message will I "drink out of" this year? I can't wait to decide. A life where fear does not plague you offers you TONS more options. ****If you're drinking out of the Don't Panic mug still, I love you to death, and I know what it's like-- There is hope and healing in Jesus and He never intended for you to live like that, email me if you need more direction in scripture to come out of this!
5. Get it out into the Light! I love this Blog. It might be what I'm most proud of from the past year. Scripture meditation was something I had read one thing about and somehow decided I wanted to try--- 52 weeks later here I am --- feeling privileged to have spent that time seeking Him in His word. If you are one of the people that reads this blog, I am so so thankful for you. You encourage me just by letting me know I can ramble off some thoughts and someone might get something out of it. Oh I'm thankful for you. It helps me understand things if I can write them out, and you have helped me discover that. I officially have 4 followers, and two of them are Jeanne. I absolutely love it. :)
6. I made friends with Esther. I think I always knew scripture was a critical part of my faith, but it never came alive to me like it did this past year studying Esther. I feel like I know her, and I feel like I lived life in those pages of my Bible. I shared with some friends that finishing that book and moving the little ribbon thing out of the pages was a sad thing for me --- I didn't want it to end. Isn't it amazing that the same God that gave Esther courage and wit is the same God that gives me strength? It blows my mind. I am forever grateful for Esther's place in history and how I needed to discover it in the year 2010, for such a time as this. Gives me chills.
7. Embracing Mercy. God's mercy surrounds us so much and I'm pretty convinced we have no idea how much we are spared from things. I watched my mom hug a woman's whose son committed suicide on Tuesday this week. We had never met this woman but my brother was good friends with Hans. My mother, full of a tender grace that she has been blessed with, brought this woman a meal and offered her sympathies.
I stood and stared thinking how I would feel if a stranger brought soup to my mom if she was in this situation and it just broke my heart. God thank you for being the protector of my family. Help me to pray for salvation over safety everyday.
8. Grow a Backbone. I found myself in situations this past year that absolutely required me to determine who I am. I am a hot mess. :) Fully knowing that I have no power to save myself and that Jesus is the stronghold of my life is so so clear to a person that doesn't have it all together. I would not trade this perspective for anything.
I mentioned that God has zapped quite a bit of pride out of me and it has left me with a heart for people that also aren't perfect. I love people that are real --- people that are down in the trenches of real issues and owning it --- who are we trying to fool here? We've got problems. Let's get them out into the light and help each other.
9. I told the truth. Whoa Nelly. If you are one of my friend's that stood by me through this I am so so thankful for you. You are my cloud of witnesses and encouraged me to throw off everything that hinders and run this stinking race. Hallelujah!
10. Speaking of my Cloud of Witnesses.... I am so blessed with women (and a few men) in my life that love Jesus and challenge me in my journey.
They are who I find myself going through life with and I love them dearly. The cloud has expanded to include a Sunday night Bible study of women that cross my mind all the time. I have loved sharing and growing and just being with these ladies. They are precious to me, and challenge me to a new level of faith that I am just starting to explore.
I remain confident, that I have seen the goodness of God in 2010 and will continue to discover Him in new crazy ways in 2011. I cannot wait.
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
I have to give you a preview of what I want to do in 2011 -- which is pretty much all coming from God's speaking to me through this verse. I'm interested in confidence. I'd like to get some at some point in my life. :) Do you know that there is nothing in God's word that would lead any of us to believe that we should be insecure about anything? Confident. I'm in.
I have a dear friend that has challenged herself to memorize the book of Philippians. That's big. But when I heard her talk about it, I got to thinking that I really carry some baggage around in my mind. Like a lot of it. And what better way to replace it, than to literally shove it out by filling it with an entire book of the Bible? I thought about this a lot, and tried to think of a book I could memorize over the next year and didn't really come up with anything specific. What I did do is read Psalm 27 at some point everyday, kind of accidentally and not with any purpose in mind. Surely this isn't an accident? So I've decided to commit this chapter to memory. There are 13 verses and the passage that I selected as week 50 here is the bookend on the tail end of the chapter. I am on day 2 and loving it. I have some time at work where I don't talk to anyone, and I am alone with my thoughts. I have got to assume you have moments like this in your day too? I have been repeating my memorization over and over in my head. Especially in moments when I'm tempted to dwell or stress on something, instead I say "the Lord is my light and my salvation, of whom should I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?" You had better believe I just typed that from memory! Hallelujah. Check this out -- I can keep going: "When evil men advance against me to devour me, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall" And that's all I got so far, and I may have had to double check that last part and correct it, but still! I'm liking it!
I've been thinking a lot about this past year. And I've also noticed that it is pretty much a socially-expected norm on a blog to post a year in review of sorts. I'm not quite ready to do that, but I have been thinking back a lot and want to share some things. I said a few posts back that I often find myself starting a new year just wanting do things differently, but this year I do think that I have some things that I am proud of from this past year. One of which is God zapping almost every ounce of pride right out of me--- So without being prideful, I want to do a little boasting in the Lord.
1. I helped a friend build something. Sometimes I get pretty down on myself for not accomplishing more. My job is pretty simple and I often wonder if I should be doing something different or taking more risks. For me personally, I have not done anything huge recently, but I have been there for my friends that have.
2. I got help. There is a time to throw up the white flag my friends, and for me that was this past year. I found a woman who counseled me with scripture and helped me discover God in new ways. Dena spoke scriptures to me that showed me how the Bible brings healing. Admitting that you don't have it all together is a huge step. Or in my case a very very very huge step. God broke my heart and has put it back together in new ways that I am forever grateful.
3. Took a step in faith. My dad started a new ministry. And when he first mentioned it to me I was pretty fearful. But I had just spent a week in Mexico where they had been singing this song that I could not stop thinking about. The song is called La Montana and its message is that if you, in faith, say to a mountain move, it will move. And the way that they sing this song, I truly believe they could do it. My dad's ministry is to International Students and I think the next 10 years are going to be full of extra seats set at holiday dinners for people from other countries. I am blessed to be a part of this. Blessed.
These are some Korean students making Gim-Bop, a sushi-esque dish in my parent's kitchen.
These are a few pics from the graduation reception my family hosted for our Korean family member, Jaekuen.
4. Stop drinking out of the Don't Panic mug. This mug is pictured in my little Blog Banner and I really do love it --- but in the past year I have made it to a place where my best attempt at life is stronger than to simply not panic.
5. Get it out into the Light! I love this Blog. It might be what I'm most proud of from the past year. Scripture meditation was something I had read one thing about and somehow decided I wanted to try--- 52 weeks later here I am --- feeling privileged to have spent that time seeking Him in His word. If you are one of the people that reads this blog, I am so so thankful for you. You encourage me just by letting me know I can ramble off some thoughts and someone might get something out of it. Oh I'm thankful for you. It helps me understand things if I can write them out, and you have helped me discover that. I officially have 4 followers, and two of them are Jeanne. I absolutely love it. :)
6. I made friends with Esther. I think I always knew scripture was a critical part of my faith, but it never came alive to me like it did this past year studying Esther. I feel like I know her, and I feel like I lived life in those pages of my Bible. I shared with some friends that finishing that book and moving the little ribbon thing out of the pages was a sad thing for me --- I didn't want it to end. Isn't it amazing that the same God that gave Esther courage and wit is the same God that gives me strength? It blows my mind. I am forever grateful for Esther's place in history and how I needed to discover it in the year 2010, for such a time as this. Gives me chills.
7. Embracing Mercy. God's mercy surrounds us so much and I'm pretty convinced we have no idea how much we are spared from things. I watched my mom hug a woman's whose son committed suicide on Tuesday this week. We had never met this woman but my brother was good friends with Hans. My mother, full of a tender grace that she has been blessed with, brought this woman a meal and offered her sympathies.
8. Grow a Backbone. I found myself in situations this past year that absolutely required me to determine who I am. I am a hot mess. :) Fully knowing that I have no power to save myself and that Jesus is the stronghold of my life is so so clear to a person that doesn't have it all together. I would not trade this perspective for anything.
9. I told the truth. Whoa Nelly. If you are one of my friend's that stood by me through this I am so so thankful for you. You are my cloud of witnesses and encouraged me to throw off everything that hinders and run this stinking race. Hallelujah!
10. Speaking of my Cloud of Witnesses.... I am so blessed with women (and a few men) in my life that love Jesus and challenge me in my journey.
I remain confident, that I have seen the goodness of God in 2010 and will continue to discover Him in new crazy ways in 2011. I cannot wait.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Week 49 --- Revelation 19:6-8
Then I heard again what sounded like the shout of a vast crowd or the roar of mighty ocean waves or the crash of loud thunder:
“Praise the Lord!
For the Lord our God, the Almighty, reigns.
Let us be glad and rejoice,
and let us give honor to him.
For the time has come for the wedding feast of the Lamb,
and his bride has prepared herself.
She has been given the finest of pure white linen to wear.”
I'm still in the process of breaking down my holiday's spiritual learnings from the past month. I think that the Hallelujah chorus may have been one of the cooler things that I noticed this Christmas. One Sunday at work, over the shoppers, the soundtrack, the hustle bustle I heard the Hallelujah chorus being sung somewhere in the mall. I was so struck by how strong and clear it was over the rest of the craziness. So I did a little reading....
Handel, the composer of the Hallelujah Chorus was a loner. He was a man that stuck to himself and didn't have a lot of friends or family. He wrote lots of musical pieces in his life, but it seems to me that this is probably the most noteworthy. I read a worthy source that said "There is another story told about this chorus that Handel's assistant walked in to Handel's room after shouting to him for several minutes with no response. The assistant reportedly found Handel in tears, and when asked what was wrong, Handel held up the score to this movement and said, "I thought I saw the face of God." I bet he really did. If the way my heart feels when I hear it is any indication of the power of that music, I really think he did.
Come to find out....
This was happening in the malls that day....
I don't talk about the Westroad's shooting very often, but seeing this video in that place makes me think of so many things.
The day that sticks out in my mind is the day before the whole shooting, I think that would have been December 4th. I went to work like any other day, only eeeeeeverything ticked me off. No one took the trash out the night before, people showing up late for work, by noon I was at my absolute max for tolerating anything. And these weren't even big things...just where I was at that day. So I end up getting the heck out of there for my lunch break and I just drove til I ended up at a Sonic somewhere. I pulled out my little green purse Bible and just started looking for anything. My friend Amy had been so blessed by the words in scripture that talk about the armor of God, and had been mentioning it often at that point in the year, so I turned there and started reading that in Ephesians 6. Knowing now what was coming up the next day makes this scripture so so precious to me now.
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
So I go back to work, and finish my day no problem. I come in to work the next day and it is oddly normal compared to how stressed I was the day before. I go through the morning and am on my lunch break talking to my mom on the phone in my office. One of the girls that works for me came running back saying they heard gunshots and people were running. (How much do you not want to be talking to your kid on the phone to overhear this conversation? Ugg...Laurie Sue is a tough cookie) So I go up to the front of my store, for sure people are in a panic and running and no one knows what's going on. I step out into the mall to see if I can see anything and have no idea what is really happening. So I lock my store. I lower the gate and decide this is our best defense. At this point I don't know if it's just a fight or a rumor or even something to be worried about.
This whole time I have about 12 women in my store, and they are not happy that I have now locked them in. They are all on their little cell phones, informing me that people at Younkers are being allowed to leave and I should just let them out. My phone has been ringing this whole time with people calling and asking what's going on, as well as a local tv station that would like to do a "quick interview" ....Are you kidding me?!
One of the phone calls from the tv station was to tell me there's a "gunman roaming the mall in camouflage carrying a shotgun...how do you feel about that?" The women in the store are getting calls from people at home that are watching tv and are hearing the news reporting that there are 60 people dead in the mall.
I don't know what to do.
So I text a half a dozen people to start praying and I go back out and move everyone to the back of the store. I seat everyone in a back hallway and tell them we're not leaving until we know what's going on. They continue to get calls from people who are telling them what they're seeing on tv, and I think I walked away from this whole experience hating the media more than ever. Once everyone is behind the wall at the back of the store, I go back to my office and shut the door. I had been studying with some friends about believing God and there was a statement we said at the beginning of every meeting. So I put one hand on my heart and the other one up in the air and I said this 5 statement pledge:
1. God, You are who You say you are
2. God, You can do what You say You can do
3. God, I am who You say I am
4. God, I can do all things through You
5. Your WORD is alive and living in Me
I'm believing God. (Those who did this study with me are totally doing the actions now right?) :)
It's more than a belief in God. I believe Him. You have to be believing Him to do what He says he can do. It's an active thing that you do. And sometimes that means believing he will protect you and give you the words to say to scared people in a crazy situation. So with my reassurance that God will work through me, and with my feet fitted with the readiness of peace I went back out and waited.
I would wear the keys to my store on a lanyard that hung around my neck, and that day was no different. I was standing behind the wall when men started shouting through the gate to open the door. Keep in mind that we had no idea what was happening, and we had been told gunman were roaming the mall, so when someone shouts to open the gate I was probably the most scared I have ever been in my entire life. To have keys hanging around your neck that separate people that have guns, from people that don't have guns is a feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone. The thoughts going through my head were how mad a gunman would be if you didn't do what they said, and how long it would take them to get through a chain metal gate --- and what on earth that looks like once both of those things have happened. Mercy.
But I look around the wall and I see police. Hallelujah. I feel less in charge at this point. Please someone just tell me what to do. They are wanting to move us to another location so we all go up and get ready to leave. One woman had a baby with her, which in therapy after this whole ordeal ended up being one of the more upsetting things to me. A baby should never ever be in a place like this at this point. The police tell us we're going to have to run with them. I yell at another woman to help the mother with her stroller (odd huh? couldn't have just left the stroller) and I throw a blanket over the woman's baby that she's carrying. I ran next to this mother with my arm around her covering that babies head the whole time. I kind of wonder where they're at now, the baby's name was Sebastian. We run through the Westroads atrium (the very same one from the video above, that I can just hardly wait to talk to you about) where there are police with guns drawn and aimed about every 5 feet.
They put us all in the JCPenney department store and we waited there until they told us we could leave. God bless the hide-a-key on my car, cause I ran out of that place with just my cell phone in my hand, and wouldn't have been able to get home otherwise.
I don't know if I think about the shooting everyday, but maybe every other day. It's not something that upsets me anymore, I think a lot about how I have a God that provides and protects and how close I felt to Him in the days after. I am 100% a more sensitive person to public safety and policies and things we can do to make things like that not happen, or if they do, being ready and having a plan. But I'm sure that's normal...
But the video above --- are you ready for this --- 3 years later, a song that acknowledges God as the King of Kings and Lord of Lords is being sung in a place where violence is my strongest memory. He is so big and so sovereign and He's over all of this.
This is God's redemption friends.
He can take a situation that leaves us scarred and scared and reassure us that He's not done yet. Some people talk about difficult times and say that we had to go through that to learn a lesson or find God in a new way. Friends, God would never justify a shooting like that to teach me a lesson, but he will redeem it. He'll take something like that and use it to show his glory.
That video was emailed to me a few days after Christmas and it may have been the best present I got this year. (Which is really really saying a lot, because I received a Keurig coffee maker too, and it is one of my new most favorite things)
I hit play on that video and the tears just streamed down my face.
The kingdom of this world, is becoming the kingdom of our Lord.
It is, isn't it!?
King of Kings and Lord of Lords. And he shall reign forever and ever....
I am all in my friends. We are totally on the winning team here. My verse for the week above is the scripture that the Hallelujah chorus is based on, and I think it is what has blessed me most this holiday season. "Let us be glad and rejoice, and let us give honor to him." I hope you had a good Christmas and I hope you saw God in new and big ways this year. I think he may have put 2500 people in a shopping mall singing a song just for me. :)
“Praise the Lord!
For the Lord our God, the Almighty, reigns.
Let us be glad and rejoice,
and let us give honor to him.
For the time has come for the wedding feast of the Lamb,
and his bride has prepared herself.
She has been given the finest of pure white linen to wear.”
I'm still in the process of breaking down my holiday's spiritual learnings from the past month. I think that the Hallelujah chorus may have been one of the cooler things that I noticed this Christmas. One Sunday at work, over the shoppers, the soundtrack, the hustle bustle I heard the Hallelujah chorus being sung somewhere in the mall. I was so struck by how strong and clear it was over the rest of the craziness. So I did a little reading....
Handel, the composer of the Hallelujah Chorus was a loner. He was a man that stuck to himself and didn't have a lot of friends or family. He wrote lots of musical pieces in his life, but it seems to me that this is probably the most noteworthy. I read a worthy source that said "There is another story told about this chorus that Handel's assistant walked in to Handel's room after shouting to him for several minutes with no response. The assistant reportedly found Handel in tears, and when asked what was wrong, Handel held up the score to this movement and said, "I thought I saw the face of God." I bet he really did. If the way my heart feels when I hear it is any indication of the power of that music, I really think he did.
Come to find out....
Before you watch this video, you need to scroll down to the very very bottom of the page and pause the blog music. I almost insist you watch this :)
This was happening in the malls that day....
I don't talk about the Westroad's shooting very often, but seeing this video in that place makes me think of so many things.
The day that sticks out in my mind is the day before the whole shooting, I think that would have been December 4th. I went to work like any other day, only eeeeeeverything ticked me off. No one took the trash out the night before, people showing up late for work, by noon I was at my absolute max for tolerating anything. And these weren't even big things...just where I was at that day. So I end up getting the heck out of there for my lunch break and I just drove til I ended up at a Sonic somewhere. I pulled out my little green purse Bible and just started looking for anything. My friend Amy had been so blessed by the words in scripture that talk about the armor of God, and had been mentioning it often at that point in the year, so I turned there and started reading that in Ephesians 6. Knowing now what was coming up the next day makes this scripture so so precious to me now.
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
So I go back to work, and finish my day no problem. I come in to work the next day and it is oddly normal compared to how stressed I was the day before. I go through the morning and am on my lunch break talking to my mom on the phone in my office. One of the girls that works for me came running back saying they heard gunshots and people were running. (How much do you not want to be talking to your kid on the phone to overhear this conversation? Ugg...Laurie Sue is a tough cookie) So I go up to the front of my store, for sure people are in a panic and running and no one knows what's going on. I step out into the mall to see if I can see anything and have no idea what is really happening. So I lock my store. I lower the gate and decide this is our best defense. At this point I don't know if it's just a fight or a rumor or even something to be worried about.
This whole time I have about 12 women in my store, and they are not happy that I have now locked them in. They are all on their little cell phones, informing me that people at Younkers are being allowed to leave and I should just let them out. My phone has been ringing this whole time with people calling and asking what's going on, as well as a local tv station that would like to do a "quick interview" ....Are you kidding me?!
One of the phone calls from the tv station was to tell me there's a "gunman roaming the mall in camouflage carrying a shotgun...how do you feel about that?" The women in the store are getting calls from people at home that are watching tv and are hearing the news reporting that there are 60 people dead in the mall.
I don't know what to do.
So I text a half a dozen people to start praying and I go back out and move everyone to the back of the store. I seat everyone in a back hallway and tell them we're not leaving until we know what's going on. They continue to get calls from people who are telling them what they're seeing on tv, and I think I walked away from this whole experience hating the media more than ever. Once everyone is behind the wall at the back of the store, I go back to my office and shut the door. I had been studying with some friends about believing God and there was a statement we said at the beginning of every meeting. So I put one hand on my heart and the other one up in the air and I said this 5 statement pledge:
1. God, You are who You say you are
2. God, You can do what You say You can do
3. God, I am who You say I am
4. God, I can do all things through You
5. Your WORD is alive and living in Me
I'm believing God. (Those who did this study with me are totally doing the actions now right?) :)
It's more than a belief in God. I believe Him. You have to be believing Him to do what He says he can do. It's an active thing that you do. And sometimes that means believing he will protect you and give you the words to say to scared people in a crazy situation. So with my reassurance that God will work through me, and with my feet fitted with the readiness of peace I went back out and waited.
I would wear the keys to my store on a lanyard that hung around my neck, and that day was no different. I was standing behind the wall when men started shouting through the gate to open the door. Keep in mind that we had no idea what was happening, and we had been told gunman were roaming the mall, so when someone shouts to open the gate I was probably the most scared I have ever been in my entire life. To have keys hanging around your neck that separate people that have guns, from people that don't have guns is a feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone. The thoughts going through my head were how mad a gunman would be if you didn't do what they said, and how long it would take them to get through a chain metal gate --- and what on earth that looks like once both of those things have happened. Mercy.
But I look around the wall and I see police. Hallelujah. I feel less in charge at this point. Please someone just tell me what to do. They are wanting to move us to another location so we all go up and get ready to leave. One woman had a baby with her, which in therapy after this whole ordeal ended up being one of the more upsetting things to me. A baby should never ever be in a place like this at this point. The police tell us we're going to have to run with them. I yell at another woman to help the mother with her stroller (odd huh? couldn't have just left the stroller) and I throw a blanket over the woman's baby that she's carrying. I ran next to this mother with my arm around her covering that babies head the whole time. I kind of wonder where they're at now, the baby's name was Sebastian. We run through the Westroads atrium (the very same one from the video above, that I can just hardly wait to talk to you about) where there are police with guns drawn and aimed about every 5 feet.
They put us all in the JCPenney department store and we waited there until they told us we could leave. God bless the hide-a-key on my car, cause I ran out of that place with just my cell phone in my hand, and wouldn't have been able to get home otherwise.
I don't know if I think about the shooting everyday, but maybe every other day. It's not something that upsets me anymore, I think a lot about how I have a God that provides and protects and how close I felt to Him in the days after. I am 100% a more sensitive person to public safety and policies and things we can do to make things like that not happen, or if they do, being ready and having a plan. But I'm sure that's normal...
But the video above --- are you ready for this --- 3 years later, a song that acknowledges God as the King of Kings and Lord of Lords is being sung in a place where violence is my strongest memory. He is so big and so sovereign and He's over all of this.
This is God's redemption friends.
He can take a situation that leaves us scarred and scared and reassure us that He's not done yet. Some people talk about difficult times and say that we had to go through that to learn a lesson or find God in a new way. Friends, God would never justify a shooting like that to teach me a lesson, but he will redeem it. He'll take something like that and use it to show his glory.
That video was emailed to me a few days after Christmas and it may have been the best present I got this year. (Which is really really saying a lot, because I received a Keurig coffee maker too, and it is one of my new most favorite things)
I hit play on that video and the tears just streamed down my face.
The kingdom of this world, is becoming the kingdom of our Lord.
It is, isn't it!?
King of Kings and Lord of Lords. And he shall reign forever and ever....
I am all in my friends. We are totally on the winning team here. My verse for the week above is the scripture that the Hallelujah chorus is based on, and I think it is what has blessed me most this holiday season. "Let us be glad and rejoice, and let us give honor to him." I hope you had a good Christmas and I hope you saw God in new and big ways this year. I think he may have put 2500 people in a shopping mall singing a song just for me. :)
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Week 48 --- Psalm 86:17
Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me.
Well, it's New Years day. I spent the last year meditating on scripture, and I can't believe it's already done. I didn't tell very many people I was doing it at first. I was pretty convinced I would lose interest or stop doing it, and less people watching you fail at something is always preferable right? But it didn't happen that way. :) In fact, I think I gained a little momentum mid-year and the way that scripture has come alive to me these past 52 weeks has been such a life-changing experience. You'll notice that my post is only on week 48 out of the 52. My process of the 52 verse year was to email out to a few friends every Sunday evening the verse that I would be focusing on that week. I started really enjoying journaling about the verses halfway through the year and would then write about them after the week was over. Sometimes it takes me more than 7 days to see how a scripture is working in my life and you hate to rush the Holy Spirit... so thus I am on week 48 ... still trying to figure out God's goodness.
I have been struggling with God's goodness. I don't doubt for one second his power or his sovereignty or his love or his ability or his plans...I just haven't felt his goodness in awhile. So I have been all over scripture trying to figure this out. You'll hopefully see more verses on this in the next few weeks, but here I am on New Years, wishing to be wiser, but still so confused.
I have coasted into many a New Years so grateful for the fresh start. Just desperate to start over. But this year feels different. I found Jesus in new ways that have changed me forever in 2010. I accomplished some things that I am really proud of and that feels really good. So arriving at New Years, pretty much exhausted from the fight of a lifetime throughout the past year, I'm finding myself feeling sorry for myself. Don't you hate that?!? I can hardly stand it. Literally.
Let me break it down. I think I start to lose focus on Jesus when I take my eyes off of him and start looking around at other people's lives. Which goes directly against my favorite every situation, every emotion verse of "fixing my eyes on Jesus the author and perfector of my faith". But I start looking at what I see as goodness in other people's lives and then I start to get frustrated. I have felt so close to God this last year -- close like a friend, close like a protector, close like a Saviour--- and in the midst of this I feel like He and I continue to grow closer together through trials and crap. I think I feel a little weird about this because when you spend time with someone, and you enjoy being with someone, and you like to talk to someone -- wouldn't you want to do fun things together and have some good times once in awhile? Even as those words come out of my mouth I can think of a bagillion good things God and I have done together this year --- but this is my anatomy of a breakdown of a pity party, so stick with me. Back to looking at other people. I see big good things happening for people that have hurt me. And that's the harsh truth of why I'm upset. Praise Him that we are not in a life where we are rewarded or punished for our actions. I get that. Hallelujah cause I would be out for the count if that was the case, but I don't understand God's timing or plans when I feel like I've put all my eggs in His basket just to lead me to a place where I watch people that have caused me pain seem to harvest the most blessing.
Sooooooo.... Here's what I've decided on this the first day of a new year. :) It all comes down to your defenition of goodness. I went so far as to look it up. God bless the google. My favorite defenition so far is the number 5 on dictionary.com:
5. the best part of anything; essence; strength.
Determining what the best part is.... worldly, surface-level, human-understood goodness may seem evident in other people's lives, but I am trusting (I am trusting trusting trusting) that the best part of anything is God's purpose in my life. Whatever on earth that may look like. I wish I was smarter, cause I still don't get it. But when I read that defenition, and I think of the best part of my year, essence, strength --- was God a part of those things in my life -- you had better believe it.
The last part of this verse makes me tear up. For you Oh Lord have helped me and comforted me. He really has. I believe in His goodness and in His mercy and in His comfort and He has helped me in ways I'm sure I don't even understand yet.
I am praying for a year of eye-opening, rule-breaking, heart-stopping, joy-overflowing encounters for you this year. I pray that you'll know his goodness and His mercy in such personal ways this year. Isn't it such an amazing part of our faith that we don't have just the one day to start over? If New Years was all we got I'd be one sorry mess. I need adaily hourly reminder of grace and truth and that Jesus is what makes us new and that he is always with us and always willing.
Be blessed friends. Happy New Year. Beth
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me.
Well, it's New Years day. I spent the last year meditating on scripture, and I can't believe it's already done. I didn't tell very many people I was doing it at first. I was pretty convinced I would lose interest or stop doing it, and less people watching you fail at something is always preferable right? But it didn't happen that way. :) In fact, I think I gained a little momentum mid-year and the way that scripture has come alive to me these past 52 weeks has been such a life-changing experience. You'll notice that my post is only on week 48 out of the 52. My process of the 52 verse year was to email out to a few friends every Sunday evening the verse that I would be focusing on that week. I started really enjoying journaling about the verses halfway through the year and would then write about them after the week was over. Sometimes it takes me more than 7 days to see how a scripture is working in my life and you hate to rush the Holy Spirit... so thus I am on week 48 ... still trying to figure out God's goodness.
I have been struggling with God's goodness. I don't doubt for one second his power or his sovereignty or his love or his ability or his plans...I just haven't felt his goodness in awhile. So I have been all over scripture trying to figure this out. You'll hopefully see more verses on this in the next few weeks, but here I am on New Years, wishing to be wiser, but still so confused.
I have coasted into many a New Years so grateful for the fresh start. Just desperate to start over. But this year feels different. I found Jesus in new ways that have changed me forever in 2010. I accomplished some things that I am really proud of and that feels really good. So arriving at New Years, pretty much exhausted from the fight of a lifetime throughout the past year, I'm finding myself feeling sorry for myself. Don't you hate that?!? I can hardly stand it. Literally.
Let me break it down. I think I start to lose focus on Jesus when I take my eyes off of him and start looking around at other people's lives. Which goes directly against my favorite every situation, every emotion verse of "fixing my eyes on Jesus the author and perfector of my faith". But I start looking at what I see as goodness in other people's lives and then I start to get frustrated. I have felt so close to God this last year -- close like a friend, close like a protector, close like a Saviour--- and in the midst of this I feel like He and I continue to grow closer together through trials and crap. I think I feel a little weird about this because when you spend time with someone, and you enjoy being with someone, and you like to talk to someone -- wouldn't you want to do fun things together and have some good times once in awhile? Even as those words come out of my mouth I can think of a bagillion good things God and I have done together this year --- but this is my anatomy of a breakdown of a pity party, so stick with me. Back to looking at other people. I see big good things happening for people that have hurt me. And that's the harsh truth of why I'm upset. Praise Him that we are not in a life where we are rewarded or punished for our actions. I get that. Hallelujah cause I would be out for the count if that was the case, but I don't understand God's timing or plans when I feel like I've put all my eggs in His basket just to lead me to a place where I watch people that have caused me pain seem to harvest the most blessing.
Sooooooo.... Here's what I've decided on this the first day of a new year. :) It all comes down to your defenition of goodness. I went so far as to look it up. God bless the google. My favorite defenition so far is the number 5 on dictionary.com:
5. the best part of anything; essence; strength.
Determining what the best part is.... worldly, surface-level, human-understood goodness may seem evident in other people's lives, but I am trusting (I am trusting trusting trusting) that the best part of anything is God's purpose in my life. Whatever on earth that may look like. I wish I was smarter, cause I still don't get it. But when I read that defenition, and I think of the best part of my year, essence, strength --- was God a part of those things in my life -- you had better believe it.
The last part of this verse makes me tear up. For you Oh Lord have helped me and comforted me. He really has. I believe in His goodness and in His mercy and in His comfort and He has helped me in ways I'm sure I don't even understand yet.
I am praying for a year of eye-opening, rule-breaking, heart-stopping, joy-overflowing encounters for you this year. I pray that you'll know his goodness and His mercy in such personal ways this year. Isn't it such an amazing part of our faith that we don't have just the one day to start over? If New Years was all we got I'd be one sorry mess. I need a
Be blessed friends. Happy New Year. Beth
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