Week 36 --- John 8:32

^"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

I've been tossing around the idea that maybe when we're in heaven, they will tell our stories and those stories will make up another Bible for a future generation and world. I have ABSOLUTELY no scriptural standing or references in thinking this, and I am sure I'm breaking some serious rules in even considering that there may be another Bible some day, but I've just been thinking about it. So I'm going with it....

In the Book of Elizabeth Ann Swinney, when my story is read, it will say that on the 16th day of the 9th month of the year 2010, she stopped believing lies, and told the truth. Man it took some living in fear and failure, to get to this point, but God's gentle and gracious leading brought me to a place where I couldn't deny any longer that this is how it needed to happen.

I think we all wonder how important our faith is to us -- and maybe I'm just speaking for me, but I love the Lord and I don't know what I would do without scripture and my body of believers that I'm going through life with --- and I always wonder how much it really means to me. I wonder if I would pick Jesus over my family, over my safety, over my happiness, over my comfort. I am sitting here with a full and thankful heart, because I don't have to wonder anymore, I know that I did. And it's not like God called me to go to Africa or something huge like that, but what he did ask me to do was something I could never picture myself doing. Something that goes against every natural tendency I have.

I am a people pleaser -- nay, THE people pleaser. I will stand on my head and hold my breath and juggle just about anything before I will do something that will upset someone --- and hold your breath --- make them not like me. UGGG. I can hardly type it. But I finally surrendered to the belief that I care about what Jesus thinks of me more than anyone else on this earth. Literally.

So here are my findings about truth. People do not always want to hear it. I know this is an obvious one, and that we all say 'sometimes the truth is hard to hear' ---but sometimes people REALLY don't want to hear it. You will be blamed for it. Lies will be denied and defended. Does that lessen the truth??? Not one bit. 

I thought telling the truth would give me an instant feeling of relief. And that did not happen. I think I felt the weight of it even more as it left my mouth, and even more so as I walked away from the conversation. But let me just tell you, in the days that followed, the feeling of freedom starts to come. And it makes me feel more confident to tell the truth again. And that even if it costs us something, and even if it doesn't feel good at the time, we CAN do it. Whatever 'it' might be. We let truth become an "unknown" in our lives cause we rarely speak it, and don't we all fear the unknown??? Let's make it something that's not scary, because we know it and we love it and we're not afraid of it. 

The night before my conversation was a Wednesday night. All I could think about was the person I pictured on Thursday night. I wanted to be the version that did the right thing. And that said everything that needed to be said. When I thought of the girl that knew what needed to happen, but shyed away, I couldn't stand that person being me. When I pictured the heart that God had been pursuing, but that ignored and disobeyed him, I knew that I would do whatever it took not to be that person. I want to be a girl that listens to God and ACTS on what his word says. When our faith requires our sacrifice or our discomfort I want to be ready. 

I don't know how God will challenge my faith next, and I don't want to walk in fear of the unknown, but I'm trying to use the things I learned here to live my everyday a little more confidently in his grace and truth. Do you know that nothing can separate us??? There is absolutely no truth you can put out on the table that he will reject you over. Man his goodness shocks me sometimes.

Loving life as a person who has been set free,
Beth

 

Week 35 --- 2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

This may be one of the first things I ask God about when I get to heaven. Wouldn't your power have been made more perfect in my strengths? I am such a firm believer in enhancing our natural talents and cultivating our skills that it is such a hard thing for me to grasp that my weaknesses have a purpose. I'd please like to do something I'm good at for a little bit!

However Jesus knew what we would be like and He knew that we would be a people that would take the glory for ourselves if we thought for even a second we were the ones who had earned it. His power is made perfect in our weaknesses --- I just have to keep telling myself that to let it sink in.

I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. What does that look like in our lives? "God, I just don't think I can do this." "God, it's too much, I'm not ready" "God, someone stronger or smarter or less of a sinner should do this instead of me" That feels like admitting failure to say those things, but when we acknowledge our weakness we offer it to him so that the power of Christ may rest upon us. We give him our inability and he gives us His strength. It doesn't seem fair, but He offers it to us and can I just tell you that I've had a front row seat to watching this play out and it's so so true.

I think half of this battle is just showing up. God promises to be our strength in times of weakness, and if we just listen to His voice and follow his leading, he puts us in positions to show his strength. But we have to show up. And that to me is all about obedience. I've been praying about doing something very difficult for about a month now, and as it got closer my prayers got less vague and highly spiritual and more "God, I think I can get myself to the parking lot, but I'm going to need you to do the rest." I will be obedient to what your word says, and to what I know you have asked me to do --- but I am weak, and I can't do it by myself. A big part of my prayer leading up to this time of my life has been back in the book of Esther. "If you remain silent, relief and deliverance will arise from another place....But who knows that you have come to power for such a time as this." Beth Swinney, I do not need you to accomplish my will in this situation. But if you would just trust me, I will put you in a place to speak truth and heal your heart at the same time. This is not an accident, and I know what I'm doing, if you would just trust.

The chapter goes on to say this in verse 10:
"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

So can I just say that I have experienced some victory over anxiety and worry :) About the time I graduated college until about a year and a half ago I have been crippled by thoughts that just debilitate me and leave me insecure and anxious. Part of this has come from things that I was hearing from others, but the other half was junk I was working up in my own mind. I specifically remember a week where I was just dreading going to work. I had been out on a project for about 9 months and the thought of going back to my regular job left me sleepless and shaken. I was staying at a friends house and as I slept in their 9 year old's baseball themed room that he had loaned me for the night I prayed and prayed about what was coming up. I really feel like Jesus spoke to me and said Beth, worry and anxiety is SIN, and I died so that you would never have to feel the way you do right now. I made a choice and a sacrifice to free you from those awful feelings you're having right now. Give them to me, I never meant for you to live like that. Worry was my weakness and my difficulty and when those feelings rush on me, I know that Jesus is the strength in those times and  the reminder of what it cost for my sins to be covered like this. 

Oh friends, life is hard. I think a lot harder than we thought it would be. There are situations in our homes and with our families and in relationships and at work that just drain us to complete emptiness. Jesus never meant for us to feel weak, he meant for us to reach our arms up for strength. Whatever it is in your life, man I hope that rings true to you. I can type so confidently about this when I'm home in my chair and it's quiet and calm, but I need a daily reminder to not let work stress me out, to not let relationships freak me out, and to not let life and its unknowns leave me in a panic.

Week 34 --- Psalms 91:14-16

"Because she loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue her;

I will protect her, for she acknowledges my name.


She will call upon me, and I will answer her;


I will be with her in trouble,


I will deliver her and honor her.


With long life will I satisfy her


and show her my salvation."

Man -- do you need to hear that today as much as I do??? Because He loves me --- I will protect her, I will be with her, I will deliver her, I will show her MY salvation. I live so much of my life in fear and worry, and if I would just take Him at His word for all he offers to me and wants to do for me --- what a difference that would make.

I think I've been in a little funk lately. I let things bother me. I am easily discouraged and distracted. And I seek out things that I know will only frustrate and further exhaust me. Isn't it the "everyday" that takes the most out of us? The feeling that this day feels exactly like yesterday and tomorrow isn't looking much different? This is particularly upsetting when you didn't really 'love' the day that keeps repeating. Right?

In an effort to kick this negative nancy vibe I've got going --- I am taking you on a photo journey of things that are making me happy. I was challenged so much in my Bible study this last week on the subject of pride (did you notice how many times I used 'I' or 'me' in that last paragraph --- ugggg) Anyway, I really think the cure for pride is gratitude. I have a yoga instructor that always ends her meditation time with the statement "since gratitude is healing, let's close by thinking of something we're thankful for" and I really do think it helps me.  

I'm thankful for this little gem. This water bottle is one of my new favorite things. It has a straw-like feature that makes drinking easier, but still keeps it from spilling. It helps me to realize how much better I feel when I drink cold water instead of coffee or pop. It also makes working out sooooo much easier when I've drank enough water and that makes me feel good about making my body stronger.

Well hello $3 clearance rack at Target item! I love love love that it is cool enough to wear slippers now, and I love slipping my feet into something comfy when I get home from wearing heels all day. I've been sitting out on my patio reading or checking email and I love having these on to keep my feet warm.

Well friends, it has been one of those weeks where my need to be reminded not to panic is so constant that I have been using this mug almost every day. Not a great sign of my mental state, but also a great reminder of where true peace comes from and that I if left to my own devices would be so constantly struggling. I love this mug. And I'm not in a panic. All good things. :)

I think I'm most thankful for the promises in my verse this week. I cannot believe I didn't include this, because it is really what I've thought about the most with this scripture --- but the verse right before in verse 11-13 says "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. I feel like I've got some lion-treading coming up. I think I am learning that it is less about the lions and more about me and God --- and my trusting that he has commanded his angels concerning me. That he won't even let me stub my toe when I am trampling the great lion. I BELIEVE him. I TRUST him.

"Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth..."

More to come soon! God is moving ladies! And we get to be a part of it :)

Week 33 --- Isaiah 9:6

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

This verse just instantly makes me think of Christmas (which then invokes feelings of dread and stress due to my very retail job) but this week I really wanted to think about the idea of Christ being our counselor. And not just our counselor, but our Wonderful Counselor.

I have experienced counseling and therapy in several different facets and venues and here are some of my thoughts on how this gives me a better understanding of how God is our wonderful counselor. *** I started out writing this from a very outsider perspective, but the truth is I think the hard part about accepting the help of a counselor is accepting that you are in some way broken. It has been so eye-opening to me to learn how badly I want people to think I have it all together -- independent, self-sufficient, blah blah blah -- pride!! We are all broken and we all have need of wise counsel.

So here's my thoughts...

First of all, an hour spent with a counselor is time that is 100% focused on conversation that leads to healing. It builds such confidence in a person to know that the goal of a discussion is my good. My feelings are valid, my thoughts are important and everything is considered in finding a solution. Do we believe that God wants to know our thoughts and how we feel about things?? I really think he does.

Second of all, my very best friend in this world is a Licensed Mental Health Practitioner, she's a great therapist. But what helps me understand this role in my life as a counselor and friend is that there is no doubt in my mind that she has my back.

She knows my story. We talk often, if not daily. She knows the small things and the big things about me and sticks by me. The time that we have spent talking through life is so valuable to me and her willingness to keep listening, and then keep listening some more is such a picture to me of Christ's desire for friendship with us. I know I have mentioned before that it's hard for me to cry in front of others, and Stef is my person that I can break down in front of, get mad, feel better, and get upset over something else, in the course of minutes. There's something beautiful in having someone that you can feel totally safe sharing your emotions and feelings with, and Jesus so so desires for us to bring those to him. He evens offers to take the bad ones from us. I think He's looking for that conversation and that time spent together with us.

I keep finding things in my artwork that give me such an illustration of Jesus, and in regards to him being our counselor I think he's a "reduction artist". I love to paint with watercolor, and I don't do it a lot, but the idea is taking the pigment and adding water and creating different shades and tints with water.

Now here is where it gets interesting.... several techniques in watercolor involve taking the paint back up or reducing the paint back. You can start by laying down something that will block the paint. Or you can lay something on top that will absorb the paint afterwards.

can you see the salt on the canvas?? it's so cool how it sucks up the extra water and paint so instantly :)

I think Jesus takes the paintings of our situations and absorbs and peels back layers to find the perfect picture of His grace. There's something so powerful in me laying down the best that I can do and then Him absorbing the sins and the flaws that I so often find in my life.

 It also encourages me that the first draft is not the final product --- He is my redeemer! Amen right!?

I started looking for other places in the Bible where we see the word Counselor and most often in the Old Testament it is used to describe people that advise and guide, mostly when decisions are being made. But here is my absolute favorite part of all of this business --- perhaps what it all leads up to --- in the New Testament the word Counselor is used many many time to describe the Holy Spirit in our lives. Holy Spirit and Counselor are used interchangeably.

John 14:16
And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever—

John 14:26
But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.

John 16:7
But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you.

Oh there is power in learning that! The Wonderful Counselor is the Holy Spirit and he is with us friends. Always. He's in us and around us and with us and for us. His goal is our healing and our guidance, he is a constant companion, he wants to protect and intercede and fight for us. Man that makes me feel good. My constant companion and counselor is someone who intercedes for me to the God of the universe. Glory! :)

Hope you all are having good weeks!! I'm praying for big things --- I mean really big --- for you all and for me this week.

Beth

Week 32 --- Romans 14:8

“If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.”

I think there's a lot of confusion on what it looks like to live to the Lord. I wish I knew better myself. I think a lot of us confuse living to the Lord with perfection. I know I do. We think that to live for Christ is an image of constant happiness, unparalleled spirituality and an absence of sin. What a lie we have told ourselves here, and not the life that Christ offers us. When I have experienced what I think is even just a small glimpse of the life Jesus gives to us, it is more about the assurance of comfort in sorrow, grace when it doesn't make sense to keep forgiving, and love and community in a world that is overrun with hurt and cruelty. I think the important thing for me in that verse up there is pointing out no matter what I do, whether live or die, I belong to the Him.

So what does it look like when we belong to someone? I have this instance in my mind, from probably 10 years ago when I was hanging out at a friend's house in Norfolk, NE. We were all sitting around watching tv, and Josh and Kassie had this sweet little boy who had just figured out how to get around more and get into things.

Timothy was crawling around on the floor and I didn't notice him get close to the tall glass cup of Hawaiian Punch kool-aid I was drinking (Kassie, to this day I associate the taste of the red kool-aid with feeling at home, in your house). Before I even noticed what happened he had picked that glass up over his head and dropped it on the wood floor, shattering pieces of glass, and spilling tons of red kool-aid all around him.

In that moment all I could think about was how to clean up all that glass quickly before he hurt himself. In the exact moment of me not knowing what to do, Timothy's dad was out of his seat, and picked his son up out of the mess he was in. It wasn't about cleaning up the mess, it was about lifting him up out of it. I have gotten myself into situations in life, where to try to help myself, would be like crawling through glass to get out. Our Heavenly Father loves us so much because we belong to Him, and rescues us from our sins on a daily basis. Lift up your arms instead of looking for your broom, you belong to Him. :)

I heard a speaker one time say that all the answers in the Lord are "Yes and Amen". I've been trying to say 'Yes' more, when I think God is asking me to do something. And don't get me wrong, he probably has to mention it like 12 times for me to get the slightest clue, but there are things that I know he wants us to do, and for me that's leading a Bible study. Do you know that I can't think of anything I'd rather do than talk to other women about stuff I'm figuring out in His word, or stuff I don't understand in His word? And I get to do this often, with my close friends, but I want to be in a position to stretch myself a little further. Jesus, if you have something to say to the 5 women that are meeting on Sunday nights, would you give me wisdom to know Your direction? That study starts this Sunday night, so if you think about it, would you pray for this group?

Week 31 --- Isaiah 26:3

You will keep in perfect peace her whose mind is steadfast,
because she trusts in you.

I spent the summer studying the book of Ruth, and while I walked away with so many encouraging thoughts, I think the most impactful idea the author pitched out was that of legacy.

What legacy are we leaving to those who go through life with us and after us?

I love flowers. I've always been intrigued by how they combine to make something bigger, and how they're not just aesthetically pleasing, but they smell good, and just have a value attached to them. If you get flowers, it's usually something special. I started designing in college and have tried to stay in practice ever since. 

Last summer I was visiting my Great-Aunt Rachel and she was asking if I still did work with flowers. I told her yes, and she disappeared from the room and came back with a tattered box that had a pair of early 1900's floral shears. She told me that my great grandmother loved to arrange flowers and had won several ribbons at the county fair for her floral arrangements. She would even teach other women to design flowers and had written lots of notes on things she had learned about arrangements. Rachel said it seemed right that I have the scissors. 

This last week we celebrated Rachel's 90th birthday. For the celebration, I used her mother's floral shears to make her a birthday flower arrangement. I feel like I need to note that I could not find this "heirloom family treasure" the morning I went to use them. Seriously. Gone. I turned my apartment upside down looking for the "safe place" I knew I had put them so they wouldn't get lost. I debated how bad it would be to use regular scissors and just say I used the special shears. I found them. Praise the Lord! Rachel was so blessed by the flowers, but mostly by her mother's legacy continuing on in some way I think. I never met my great grandmother but I like to think that some of the things that come naturally to me are a small part of her. 

I got to thinking about the legacy the women in my family have handed down to me. I come from a line of tough stock. My mom is the most kind, genuine woman you will ever meet, but she stands for what she believes in and is absolutely unyielding in the things that really matter.

My Grammer Kathy forgave more than anyone I've ever known. Her mother had a nervous breakdown when she was a young girl and sent her children away to live with other people. My Grandma found her mother later on in life and cared for her until the day she died. The woman who gave her up when she was a kid, she loved and forgave.

My Grandma IJ passed away when I was super young, but anytime I go to a family gathering, people tell me how crazy my grandma was about me. It makes me smile thinking about it. She could make you feel special and she did it up right. Anytime my mom and I shop and I debate buying ALL the accessories to an outfit, my mom says that's what your grandma IJ would do, go for it! My grandpa sometime asks me, you don't remember your grandma that much do you? I always tell him I do.  

I also know that the women in my family have been plagued by worry, anxiety, insecurity and dysfunctional communication. We make worry a sport in my family. We hold things in and try to make sure we always have a happy face. I've really tried to think about the generational sins that have been consistent, and how that can stop with me. I refuse to let Satan continue to exist in my family through crap like that.

So back to the book of Ruth ---- how does that tie to legacy? Well let me show you :)

Here is an exerpt of the lineage of Christ in the beginning of the book of Matthew: 

Judah the father of Perez and Zerah, whose mother was Tamar,

Perez the father of Hezron,

Hezron the father of Ram,

Ram the father of Amminadab,
Amminadab the father of Nahshon,
Nahshon the father of Salmon,
Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab,

Boaz the father of Obed, whose mother was Ruth,

Obed the father of Jesse,

and Jesse the father of King David.

David was the father of Solomon, whose mother had been Uriah's wife,

Please note the 4 women who made it onto this list. A traditonal record of males, yet this list shows 4 women who impacted history and were a part of the lineage of Christ. Tamar was a woman who was wronged by her husband and dressed as a prostitute to trick her father in law into sleeping with her to produce an heir. Rahab was a foreigner and a prostitute who gave aid to Israelite spies. Ruth was a foreigner and a widow who layed at a man's feet when she was not married to him. Uriah's wife was Bathsheba who slept with a man that was not her husband.

What we have here is some serious imperfection folks. And I think it's interesting that they are all similar in that they pursued sexual sin. These are women who messed it up big time. I fully believe that it was not God's plan for any of these women to sleep with relatives, or cheat on husbands --- but God's redeeming love and power covers those sins and uses those experiences to create the lineage of Christ. That's the gospel of Jesus and that's a picture of hope my friends.

My verse this week is the legacy I want to leave. I want to overcome anxiety with peace, I want a mind that is focused on Jesus, and I want to be remembered as someone who trusts regardless of circumstance. His word promises that He'll do that for us!

Week 30 --- Mark 10:21

Jesus looked at him and loved him.