Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
I think I've mentioned I'm a student of anxiety....it's something that just plagued me for the longest time. I think it was fed by insecurity, fear, and hopelessness but wherever it came from it got to me for a long time. I've decided that anxiety is just part of a train, so go with me -- I think it looks like this:
What if? --> Anxiety --> Fear --> Dread ---> Miserable Beth
I start with a 'what if' situation or even just a nervousness about something. I allow myself to consider all the possible things that could go wrong. All the possible things that could happen and hurt through any given situation. I base none of this on fact, I base it on what if.
This leads to anxiety, and praise Jesus, this is where I recognize it now, and stomp my feet [i'll explain this in a bit :)]. If we are walking with the Lord, this is where we give Him our unknowns, and if His spirit prompts us to really be at unrest about something, we can take action on that. But usually for me it's my insecurity about work, or about relationships, or about a conversation, and not something that has any reason to give me anxiousness. I read a book a few years ago called "Calm my Anxious Heart" and now that I think about it I'm going to dig it out and review it again.... a part that stuck out to me was her illustration about what to do when anxiety "flares up" She was traveling by secret train, alone in a foreign country to meet with Christians that were experiencing religious persecution to lead a bible study. She revealed that she had felt quite a bit of anxiety in those moments....you think????? I remember reading that thinking, Lady, my anxiety is different than your anxiety. I'm needing to know what to do with the feelings I have on an every other day basis...what if I don't have enough money....what if no one ever wants me.... I'm not traveling by secret train in the dark of night...I'm just trying to get through my very normal day. If anxiety is unchecked it just gets worse.
And this brings us to fear. I think once we allow ourselves to consider all the terrible options, and even let those feelings start to overwhelm us it brings us to a point of legitimate fear. This is where it starts to interfere with really leading the life that God wants for us. Do you know that in scripture it tells us more than anything else "do not fear" or "do not be afraid" or "fear not". More than it tells us to love or to trust it tells us not to be afraid. That's big. It's like Jesus knew we would encounter this :)
Dread is the final stop of the train. This is where I have convinced myself that my notions and nervousness, my moments of heart-beating faster concern, my fears of whatever --- I now believe it -- and I'm just waiting for it to happen. Can you hear the misery in that?? Friends this is no way to live. Get off the train!!
I mentioned that I stomp my feet when I get anxious and let me tell you why -- I have a verse that I say anytime I feel even the slightest bit of worry. I fully believe saying it out loud gives it even more power and usually this is enough to settle my soul. If in fact I still feel anxious, I stomp my feet and say the verse out loud. It says in the Bible that the God of peace will soon crush Satan underneath our feet -- I believe that anxiety and worry come straight from Satan and he uses them to mess with our minds --- and I tell him that he is under my feet! That he's not going to get me on this one! I stomp out of frustration and I take it out on the devil, and it works!!
I had an evening of worry and anxiety come out of nowhere a few months ago and my best friend called me in the middle of it. I was crying and inconsolable. I told her I'd been marching back and forth in my little apartment saying scripture aloud and stomping my feet. I'm sure I appeared crazy to anyone who would have seen me, but friends I have victory in Jesus over anxiety and worry! Who cares what it looks like!? :)
Search my heart and know my anxious thoughts. God, help me know the root of why I'm worried about something. Test me. Help me. I like that this verse implies that anxiety is offensive. It is, isn't it?? :) I think that if the train that starts with worry and anxiety and ends up at dread is going one way, the exact opposite direction is headed towards a life everlasting. He'll lead us there. Search my heart God, know my struggles, help me get where you want me to go.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Week 38 --- 1 Timothy 1:15
"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen."
Haha -- do you find yourself needing unlimited patience as much as I do??
What an encouraging thought -- that even in our most challenging moments, not only does Christ forgive and heal and love us -- but he uses it as an example to others of His unlimited patience. Oh if my failures would be used for someone to see Jesus' mercy--- I think I start to see his redeeming power through that.
I had never heard this verse before. I was at a church in Virginia a few weeks ago and the pastor taught on several meaningful verses, but this is the one I walked away with. Paul thought he was the worst of sinners -- which is funny, because I thought I had that competition pretty much wrapped up for the worst sinner. "But for that very reason, I was shown mercy" -- does that just make you love Him even more? We look at our failures and say we are a lost cause, He looks at our shortcomings and sees an opportunity to show his incredible mercy. We tell ourselves we aren't good enough, He looks at us and patiently shows us He loves us.
Found some oldies but goodies on my camera this last week --- look at this family! Don't you just love em? This is at a dive restaurant somewhere between my parent's house and the State Fair. We had not considered how many small town businesses shut down on Sundays, and this was literally one of the only places open.
Haha -- do you find yourself needing unlimited patience as much as I do??
What an encouraging thought -- that even in our most challenging moments, not only does Christ forgive and heal and love us -- but he uses it as an example to others of His unlimited patience. Oh if my failures would be used for someone to see Jesus' mercy--- I think I start to see his redeeming power through that.
I had never heard this verse before. I was at a church in Virginia a few weeks ago and the pastor taught on several meaningful verses, but this is the one I walked away with. Paul thought he was the worst of sinners -- which is funny, because I thought I had that competition pretty much wrapped up for the worst sinner. "But for that very reason, I was shown mercy" -- does that just make you love Him even more? We look at our failures and say we are a lost cause, He looks at our shortcomings and sees an opportunity to show his incredible mercy. We tell ourselves we aren't good enough, He looks at us and patiently shows us He loves us.
Found some oldies but goodies on my camera this last week --- look at this family! Don't you just love em? This is at a dive restaurant somewhere between my parent's house and the State Fair. We had not considered how many small town businesses shut down on Sundays, and this was literally one of the only places open.
Mom and I rockin out at the Martina McBride concert :)
Monday, October 11, 2010
Week 37 --- Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
The phrase in this verse "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith" is one of my go-to verses. Someone once challenged me to picture Jesus above me, holding my face in both of his hands saying 'just keep looking at me' -- 'don't look at what they're doing or listen to what they're saying' -- 'just keep looking at me'. Anytime I'm stressed about things that are happening in my life, I think about the verse and fixing my eyes right on Jesus.
I was so encouraged when I went to look up the exact reference for this verse, because it also includes the phrase about being surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses. And let me tell you, I have a great cloud of witnesses. I think that scripture is probably referring to the angels and christians that have gone before us in this statement, but I think it can also mean the friends and support we find around us on any given day.
Last month, I did something that was so hard for me, but with the shared strength of my friends rallying around me, it wasn't as scary. I needed to have a difficult conversation with someone. I had a friend praying in the parking lot of the place it would occur in the next day. I had another friend pick me up and drive me there and pray with me before I went it. I had yet another friend pick right up afterwards and pray guarding thoughts for my mind in the hours after I was done. So many people just surrounding me with love and support --- kinda makes you feel like you can throw off everything that hinders you and run with perseverance huh? :)
I've been thinking about our cloud of witnesses a lot lately. I think if we don't find ourselves in the middle of this, we should drop everything and find one. We are designed to need one another and I'm pretty sure Satan could not be any happier than when he finds us off on our own -- isolated--- and without a cloud of witnesses surrounding us. I know I am most vulnerable when I'm left to my own thoughts and to be honest, pity, sometimes. Ugggg. Just some thoughts.
I recently went on a little East coast adventure :) Here are some highlights ...
The phrase in this verse "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith" is one of my go-to verses. Someone once challenged me to picture Jesus above me, holding my face in both of his hands saying 'just keep looking at me' -- 'don't look at what they're doing or listen to what they're saying' -- 'just keep looking at me'. Anytime I'm stressed about things that are happening in my life, I think about the verse and fixing my eyes right on Jesus.
I was so encouraged when I went to look up the exact reference for this verse, because it also includes the phrase about being surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses. And let me tell you, I have a great cloud of witnesses. I think that scripture is probably referring to the angels and christians that have gone before us in this statement, but I think it can also mean the friends and support we find around us on any given day.
Last month, I did something that was so hard for me, but with the shared strength of my friends rallying around me, it wasn't as scary. I needed to have a difficult conversation with someone. I had a friend praying in the parking lot of the place it would occur in the next day. I had another friend pick me up and drive me there and pray with me before I went it. I had yet another friend pick right up afterwards and pray guarding thoughts for my mind in the hours after I was done. So many people just surrounding me with love and support --- kinda makes you feel like you can throw off everything that hinders you and run with perseverance huh? :)
I've been thinking about our cloud of witnesses a lot lately. I think if we don't find ourselves in the middle of this, we should drop everything and find one. We are designed to need one another and I'm pretty sure Satan could not be any happier than when he finds us off on our own -- isolated--- and without a cloud of witnesses surrounding us. I know I am most vulnerable when I'm left to my own thoughts and to be honest, pity, sometimes. Ugggg. Just some thoughts.
I recently went on a little East coast adventure :) Here are some highlights ...
If you are going to get yourself up at the crack of dawn to catch a flight, it is so darn wonderful to have something to look forward to during your travels. My "something to look forward to" is Caribou Coffee at Minneapolis International and an ipod full of Dr. Quin episodes. Perfection I tell you. :)
Francine Rivers. You stayed away so long!! Carrying this 20 pound book around in my purse may have given my back permanent trauma, but it was so worth it to have a page-turner to look forward to for my down time.
First stop in the south. Chik-fil-A. Milkshake and Waffle fries. :)
This is my friend Jeanne and her daughter Jessica. We are very much like modern day pen pals and don't get to see each other very often. Part of my trip was visiting her and her family and seeing their new home and catching up. Such a blessing! Shared experiences and digging through life to find grace--- we have so much in common and I'm so thankful for this friendship that came from such an unlikely place. It's that cloud of witnesses again and I am so thankful!
"Chocolate Drink" Not milk, drink. HAHA --I'd never tried Yoohoo. Lot's of firsts on this trip :)
Sitting on the beach with my book, ipod, diet coke and sour gummy worms. Such a great day -- the clouds rolling in messed with my plans a little bit, but still a wonderful time to listen to the waves and relax.
Spending time with my Dad. He was working for quite a bit of the time we were out there, but our windshield time in the car was so great. Dreaming about life and ministry. It almost breaks my heart how much my dad loves me. We drove for an hour to eat breakfast by the ocean and he had been looking forward to that for several days. When we got to the little cafe he insisted I sit on the side of the table that looked over the water, even though he'd been the most excited about eating on the beach. He's so good to me.
While I was away, I missed a very special day for another very special person in my cloud of witnesses. My friend Autumn and her husband and family came into my life exactly when I needed it most. I think God has a hand in the timing of those things :)
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Week 36 --- John 8:32
"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
I've been tossing around the idea that maybe when we're in heaven, they will tell our stories and those stories will make up another Bible for a future generation and world. I have ABSOLUTELY no scriptural standing or references in thinking this, and I am sure I'm breaking some serious rules in even considering that there may be another Bible some day, but I've just been thinking about it. So I'm going with it....
In the Book of Elizabeth Ann Swinney, when my story is read, it will say that on the 16th day of the 9th month of the year 2010, she stopped believing lies, and told the truth. Man it took some living in fear and failure, to get to this point, but God's gentle and gracious leading brought me to a place where I couldn't deny any longer that this is how it needed to happen.
I think we all wonder how important our faith is to us -- and maybe I'm just speaking for me, but I love the Lord and I don't know what I would do without scripture and my body of believers that I'm going through life with --- and I always wonder how much it really means to me. I wonder if I would pick Jesus over my family, over my safety, over my happiness, over my comfort. I am sitting here with a full and thankful heart, because I don't have to wonder anymore, I know that I did. And it's not like God called me to go to Africa or something huge like that, but what he did ask me to do was something I could never picture myself doing. Something that goes against every natural tendency I have.
I am a people pleaser -- nay, THE people pleaser. I will stand on my head and hold my breath and juggle just about anything before I will do something that will upset someone --- and hold your breath --- make them not like me. UGGG. I can hardly type it. But I finally surrendered to the belief that I care about what Jesus thinks of me more than anyone else on this earth. Literally.
So here are my findings about truth. People do not always want to hear it. I know this is an obvious one, and that we all say 'sometimes the truth is hard to hear' ---but sometimes people REALLY don't want to hear it. You will be blamed for it. Lies will be denied and defended. Does that lessen the truth??? Not one bit.
I thought telling the truth would give me an instant feeling of relief. And that did not happen. I think I felt the weight of it even more as it left my mouth, and even more so as I walked away from the conversation. But let me just tell you, in the days that followed, the feeling of freedom starts to come. And it makes me feel more confident to tell the truth again. And that even if it costs us something, and even if it doesn't feel good at the time, we CAN do it. Whatever 'it' might be. We let truth become an "unknown" in our lives cause we rarely speak it, and don't we all fear the unknown??? Let's make it something that's not scary, because we know it and we love it and we're not afraid of it.
The night before my conversation was a Wednesday night. All I could think about was the person I pictured on Thursday night. I wanted to be the version that did the right thing. And that said everything that needed to be said. When I thought of the girl that knew what needed to happen, but shyed away, I couldn't stand that person being me. When I pictured the heart that God had been pursuing, but that ignored and disobeyed him, I knew that I would do whatever it took not to be that person. I want to be a girl that listens to God and ACTS on what his word says. When our faith requires our sacrifice or our discomfort I want to be ready.
I don't know how God will challenge my faith next, and I don't want to walk in fear of the unknown, but I'm trying to use the things I learned here to live my everyday a little more confidently in his grace and truth. Do you know that nothing can separate us??? There is absolutely no truth you can put out on the table that he will reject you over. Man his goodness shocks me sometimes.
Loving life as a person who has been set free,
Beth
I've been tossing around the idea that maybe when we're in heaven, they will tell our stories and those stories will make up another Bible for a future generation and world. I have ABSOLUTELY no scriptural standing or references in thinking this, and I am sure I'm breaking some serious rules in even considering that there may be another Bible some day, but I've just been thinking about it. So I'm going with it....
In the Book of Elizabeth Ann Swinney, when my story is read, it will say that on the 16th day of the 9th month of the year 2010, she stopped believing lies, and told the truth. Man it took some living in fear and failure, to get to this point, but God's gentle and gracious leading brought me to a place where I couldn't deny any longer that this is how it needed to happen.
I think we all wonder how important our faith is to us -- and maybe I'm just speaking for me, but I love the Lord and I don't know what I would do without scripture and my body of believers that I'm going through life with --- and I always wonder how much it really means to me. I wonder if I would pick Jesus over my family, over my safety, over my happiness, over my comfort. I am sitting here with a full and thankful heart, because I don't have to wonder anymore, I know that I did. And it's not like God called me to go to Africa or something huge like that, but what he did ask me to do was something I could never picture myself doing. Something that goes against every natural tendency I have.
I am a people pleaser -- nay, THE people pleaser. I will stand on my head and hold my breath and juggle just about anything before I will do something that will upset someone --- and hold your breath --- make them not like me. UGGG. I can hardly type it. But I finally surrendered to the belief that I care about what Jesus thinks of me more than anyone else on this earth. Literally.
So here are my findings about truth. People do not always want to hear it. I know this is an obvious one, and that we all say 'sometimes the truth is hard to hear' ---but sometimes people REALLY don't want to hear it. You will be blamed for it. Lies will be denied and defended. Does that lessen the truth??? Not one bit.
I thought telling the truth would give me an instant feeling of relief. And that did not happen. I think I felt the weight of it even more as it left my mouth, and even more so as I walked away from the conversation. But let me just tell you, in the days that followed, the feeling of freedom starts to come. And it makes me feel more confident to tell the truth again. And that even if it costs us something, and even if it doesn't feel good at the time, we CAN do it. Whatever 'it' might be. We let truth become an "unknown" in our lives cause we rarely speak it, and don't we all fear the unknown??? Let's make it something that's not scary, because we know it and we love it and we're not afraid of it.
The night before my conversation was a Wednesday night. All I could think about was the person I pictured on Thursday night. I wanted to be the version that did the right thing. And that said everything that needed to be said. When I thought of the girl that knew what needed to happen, but shyed away, I couldn't stand that person being me. When I pictured the heart that God had been pursuing, but that ignored and disobeyed him, I knew that I would do whatever it took not to be that person. I want to be a girl that listens to God and ACTS on what his word says. When our faith requires our sacrifice or our discomfort I want to be ready.
I don't know how God will challenge my faith next, and I don't want to walk in fear of the unknown, but I'm trying to use the things I learned here to live my everyday a little more confidently in his grace and truth. Do you know that nothing can separate us??? There is absolutely no truth you can put out on the table that he will reject you over. Man his goodness shocks me sometimes.
Loving life as a person who has been set free,
Beth
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Week 35 --- 2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
This may be one of the first things I ask God about when I get to heaven. Wouldn't your power have been made more perfect in my strengths? I am such a firm believer in enhancing our natural talents and cultivating our skills that it is such a hard thing for me to grasp that my weaknesses have a purpose. I'd please like to do something I'm good at for a little bit!
However Jesus knew what we would be like and He knew that we would be a people that would take the glory for ourselves if we thought for even a second we were the ones who had earned it. His power is made perfect in our weaknesses --- I just have to keep telling myself that to let it sink in.
I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. What does that look like in our lives? "God, I just don't think I can do this." "God, it's too much, I'm not ready" "God, someone stronger or smarter or less of a sinner should do this instead of me" That feels like admitting failure to say those things, but when we acknowledge our weakness we offer it to him so that the power of Christ may rest upon us. We give him our inability and he gives us His strength. It doesn't seem fair, but He offers it to us and can I just tell you that I've had a front row seat to watching this play out and it's so so true.
I think half of this battle is just showing up. God promises to be our strength in times of weakness, and if we just listen to His voice and follow his leading, he puts us in positions to show his strength. But we have to show up. And that to me is all about obedience. I've been praying about doing something very difficult for about a month now, and as it got closer my prayers got less vague and highly spiritual and more "God, I think I can get myself to the parking lot, but I'm going to need you to do the rest." I will be obedient to what your word says, and to what I know you have asked me to do --- but I am weak, and I can't do it by myself. A big part of my prayer leading up to this time of my life has been back in the book of Esther. "If you remain silent, relief and deliverance will arise from another place....But who knows that you have come to power for such a time as this." Beth Swinney, I do not need you to accomplish my will in this situation. But if you would just trust me, I will put you in a place to speak truth and heal your heart at the same time. This is not an accident, and I know what I'm doing, if you would just trust.
The chapter goes on to say this in verse 10:
"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
So can I just say that I have experienced some victory over anxiety and worry :) About the time I graduated college until about a year and a half ago I have been crippled by thoughts that just debilitate me and leave me insecure and anxious. Part of this has come from things that I was hearing from others, but the other half was junk I was working up in my own mind. I specifically remember a week where I was just dreading going to work. I had been out on a project for about 9 months and the thought of going back to my regular job left me sleepless and shaken. I was staying at a friends house and as I slept in their 9 year old's baseball themed room that he had loaned me for the night I prayed and prayed about what was coming up. I really feel like Jesus spoke to me and said Beth, worry and anxiety is SIN, and I died so that you would never have to feel the way you do right now. I made a choice and a sacrifice to free you from those awful feelings you're having right now. Give them to me, I never meant for you to live like that. Worry was my weakness and my difficulty and when those feelings rush on me, I know that Jesus is the strength in those times and the reminder of what it cost for my sins to be covered like this.
Oh friends, life is hard. I think a lot harder than we thought it would be. There are situations in our homes and with our families and in relationships and at work that just drain us to complete emptiness. Jesus never meant for us to feel weak, he meant for us to reach our arms up for strength. Whatever it is in your life, man I hope that rings true to you. I can type so confidently about this when I'm home in my chair and it's quiet and calm, but I need a daily reminder to not let work stress me out, to not let relationships freak me out, and to not let life and its unknowns leave me in a panic.
This may be one of the first things I ask God about when I get to heaven. Wouldn't your power have been made more perfect in my strengths? I am such a firm believer in enhancing our natural talents and cultivating our skills that it is such a hard thing for me to grasp that my weaknesses have a purpose. I'd please like to do something I'm good at for a little bit!
However Jesus knew what we would be like and He knew that we would be a people that would take the glory for ourselves if we thought for even a second we were the ones who had earned it. His power is made perfect in our weaknesses --- I just have to keep telling myself that to let it sink in.
I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. What does that look like in our lives? "God, I just don't think I can do this." "God, it's too much, I'm not ready" "God, someone stronger or smarter or less of a sinner should do this instead of me" That feels like admitting failure to say those things, but when we acknowledge our weakness we offer it to him so that the power of Christ may rest upon us. We give him our inability and he gives us His strength. It doesn't seem fair, but He offers it to us and can I just tell you that I've had a front row seat to watching this play out and it's so so true.
I think half of this battle is just showing up. God promises to be our strength in times of weakness, and if we just listen to His voice and follow his leading, he puts us in positions to show his strength. But we have to show up. And that to me is all about obedience. I've been praying about doing something very difficult for about a month now, and as it got closer my prayers got less vague and highly spiritual and more "God, I think I can get myself to the parking lot, but I'm going to need you to do the rest." I will be obedient to what your word says, and to what I know you have asked me to do --- but I am weak, and I can't do it by myself. A big part of my prayer leading up to this time of my life has been back in the book of Esther. "If you remain silent, relief and deliverance will arise from another place....But who knows that you have come to power for such a time as this." Beth Swinney, I do not need you to accomplish my will in this situation. But if you would just trust me, I will put you in a place to speak truth and heal your heart at the same time. This is not an accident, and I know what I'm doing, if you would just trust.
The chapter goes on to say this in verse 10:
"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
So can I just say that I have experienced some victory over anxiety and worry :) About the time I graduated college until about a year and a half ago I have been crippled by thoughts that just debilitate me and leave me insecure and anxious. Part of this has come from things that I was hearing from others, but the other half was junk I was working up in my own mind. I specifically remember a week where I was just dreading going to work. I had been out on a project for about 9 months and the thought of going back to my regular job left me sleepless and shaken. I was staying at a friends house and as I slept in their 9 year old's baseball themed room that he had loaned me for the night I prayed and prayed about what was coming up. I really feel like Jesus spoke to me and said Beth, worry and anxiety is SIN, and I died so that you would never have to feel the way you do right now. I made a choice and a sacrifice to free you from those awful feelings you're having right now. Give them to me, I never meant for you to live like that. Worry was my weakness and my difficulty and when those feelings rush on me, I know that Jesus is the strength in those times and the reminder of what it cost for my sins to be covered like this.
Oh friends, life is hard. I think a lot harder than we thought it would be. There are situations in our homes and with our families and in relationships and at work that just drain us to complete emptiness. Jesus never meant for us to feel weak, he meant for us to reach our arms up for strength. Whatever it is in your life, man I hope that rings true to you. I can type so confidently about this when I'm home in my chair and it's quiet and calm, but I need a daily reminder to not let work stress me out, to not let relationships freak me out, and to not let life and its unknowns leave me in a panic.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Week 34 --- Psalms 91:14-16
"Because she loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue her;
I will protect her, for she acknowledges my name.
She will call upon me, and I will answer her;
I will be with her in trouble,
I will deliver her and honor her.
With long life will I satisfy her
and show her my salvation."
Man -- do you need to hear that today as much as I do??? Because He loves me --- I will protect her, I will be with her, I will deliver her, I will show her MY salvation. I live so much of my life in fear and worry, and if I would just take Him at His word for all he offers to me and wants to do for me --- what a difference that would make.
I think I've been in a little funk lately. I let things bother me. I am easily discouraged and distracted. And I seek out things that I know will only frustrate and further exhaust me. Isn't it the "everyday" that takes the most out of us? The feeling that this day feels exactly like yesterday and tomorrow isn't looking much different? This is particularly upsetting when you didn't really 'love' the day that keeps repeating. Right?
In an effort to kick this negative nancy vibe I've got going --- I am taking you on a photo journey of things that are making me happy. I was challenged so much in my Bible study this last week on the subject of pride (did you notice how many times I used 'I' or 'me' in that last paragraph --- ugggg) Anyway, I really think the cure for pride is gratitude. I have a yoga instructor that always ends her meditation time with the statement "since gratitude is healing, let's close by thinking of something we're thankful for" and I really do think it helps me.
I think I'm most thankful for the promises in my verse this week. I cannot believe I didn't include this, because it is really what I've thought about the most with this scripture --- but the verse right before in verse 11-13 says "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. I feel like I've got some lion-treading coming up. I think I am learning that it is less about the lions and more about me and God --- and my trusting that he has commanded his angels concerning me. That he won't even let me stub my toe when I am trampling the great lion. I BELIEVE him. I TRUST him.
"Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth..."
More to come soon! God is moving ladies! And we get to be a part of it :)
I will protect her, for she acknowledges my name.
She will call upon me, and I will answer her;
I will be with her in trouble,
I will deliver her and honor her.
With long life will I satisfy her
and show her my salvation."
Man -- do you need to hear that today as much as I do??? Because He loves me --- I will protect her, I will be with her, I will deliver her, I will show her MY salvation. I live so much of my life in fear and worry, and if I would just take Him at His word for all he offers to me and wants to do for me --- what a difference that would make.
I think I've been in a little funk lately. I let things bother me. I am easily discouraged and distracted. And I seek out things that I know will only frustrate and further exhaust me. Isn't it the "everyday" that takes the most out of us? The feeling that this day feels exactly like yesterday and tomorrow isn't looking much different? This is particularly upsetting when you didn't really 'love' the day that keeps repeating. Right?
In an effort to kick this negative nancy vibe I've got going --- I am taking you on a photo journey of things that are making me happy. I was challenged so much in my Bible study this last week on the subject of pride (did you notice how many times I used 'I' or 'me' in that last paragraph --- ugggg) Anyway, I really think the cure for pride is gratitude. I have a yoga instructor that always ends her meditation time with the statement "since gratitude is healing, let's close by thinking of something we're thankful for" and I really do think it helps me.
I'm thankful for this little gem. This water bottle is one of my new favorite things. It has a straw-like feature that makes drinking easier, but still keeps it from spilling. It helps me to realize how much better I feel when I drink cold water instead of coffee or pop. It also makes working out sooooo much easier when I've drank enough water and that makes me feel good about making my body stronger.
Well hello $3 clearance rack at Target item! I love love love that it is cool enough to wear slippers now, and I love slipping my feet into something comfy when I get home from wearing heels all day. I've been sitting out on my patio reading or checking email and I love having these on to keep my feet warm.
Well friends, it has been one of those weeks where my need to be reminded not to panic is so constant that I have been using this mug almost every day. Not a great sign of my mental state, but also a great reminder of where true peace comes from and that I if left to my own devices would be so constantly struggling. I love this mug. And I'm not in a panic. All good things. :)
I think I'm most thankful for the promises in my verse this week. I cannot believe I didn't include this, because it is really what I've thought about the most with this scripture --- but the verse right before in verse 11-13 says "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. I feel like I've got some lion-treading coming up. I think I am learning that it is less about the lions and more about me and God --- and my trusting that he has commanded his angels concerning me. That he won't even let me stub my toe when I am trampling the great lion. I BELIEVE him. I TRUST him.
"Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth..."
More to come soon! God is moving ladies! And we get to be a part of it :)
Monday, September 13, 2010
Week 33 --- Isaiah 9:6
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
This verse just instantly makes me think of Christmas (which then invokes feelings of dread and stress due to my very retail job) but this week I really wanted to think about the idea of Christ being our counselor. And not just our counselor, but our Wonderful Counselor.
I have experienced counseling and therapy in several different facets and venues and here are some of my thoughts on how this gives me a better understanding of how God is our wonderful counselor. *** I started out writing this from a very outsider perspective, but the truth is I think the hard part about accepting the help of a counselor is accepting that you are in some way broken. It has been so eye-opening to me to learn how badly I want people to think I have it all together -- independent, self-sufficient, blah blah blah -- pride!! We are all broken and we all have need of wise counsel.
So here's my thoughts...
First of all, an hour spent with a counselor is time that is 100% focused on conversation that leads to healing. It builds such confidence in a person to know that the goal of a discussion is my good. My feelings are valid, my thoughts are important and everything is considered in finding a solution. Do we believe that God wants to know our thoughts and how we feel about things?? I really think he does.
Second of all, my very best friend in this world is a Licensed Mental Health Practitioner, she's a great therapist. But what helps me understand this role in my life as a counselor and friend is that there is no doubt in my mind that she has my back.
She knows my story. We talk often, if not daily. She knows the small things and the big things about me and sticks by me. The time that we have spent talking through life is so valuable to me and her willingness to keep listening, and then keep listening some more is such a picture to me of Christ's desire for friendship with us. I know I have mentioned before that it's hard for me to cry in front of others, and Stef is my person that I can break down in front of, get mad, feel better, and get upset over something else, in the course of minutes. There's something beautiful in having someone that you can feel totally safe sharing your emotions and feelings with, and Jesus so so desires for us to bring those to him. He evens offers to take the bad ones from us. I think He's looking for that conversation and that time spent together with us.
I keep finding things in my artwork that give me such an illustration of Jesus, and in regards to him being our counselor I think he's a "reduction artist". I love to paint with watercolor, and I don't do it a lot, but the idea is taking the pigment and adding water and creating different shades and tints with water.
Now here is where it gets interesting.... several techniques in watercolor involve taking the paint back up or reducing the paint back. You can start by laying down something that will block the paint. Or you can lay something on top that will absorb the paint afterwards.
I think Jesus takes the paintings of our situations and absorbs and peels back layers to find the perfect picture of His grace. There's something so powerful in me laying down the best that I can do and then Him absorbing the sins and the flaws that I so often find in my life.
I started looking for other places in the Bible where we see the word Counselor and most often in the Old Testament it is used to describe people that advise and guide, mostly when decisions are being made. But here is my absolute favorite part of all of this business --- perhaps what it all leads up to --- in the New Testament the word Counselor is used many many time to describe the Holy Spirit in our lives. Holy Spirit and Counselor are used interchangeably.
John 14:16
And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever—
John 14:26
But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.
John 16:7
But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you.
Oh there is power in learning that! The Wonderful Counselor is the Holy Spirit and he is with us friends. Always. He's in us and around us and with us and for us. His goal is our healing and our guidance, he is a constant companion, he wants to protect and intercede and fight for us. Man that makes me feel good. My constant companion and counselor is someone who intercedes for me to the God of the universe. Glory! :)
Hope you all are having good weeks!! I'm praying for big things --- I mean really big --- for you all and for me this week.
Beth
This verse just instantly makes me think of Christmas (which then invokes feelings of dread and stress due to my very retail job) but this week I really wanted to think about the idea of Christ being our counselor. And not just our counselor, but our Wonderful Counselor.
I have experienced counseling and therapy in several different facets and venues and here are some of my thoughts on how this gives me a better understanding of how God is our wonderful counselor. *** I started out writing this from a very outsider perspective, but the truth is I think the hard part about accepting the help of a counselor is accepting that you are in some way broken. It has been so eye-opening to me to learn how badly I want people to think I have it all together -- independent, self-sufficient, blah blah blah -- pride!! We are all broken and we all have need of wise counsel.
So here's my thoughts...
First of all, an hour spent with a counselor is time that is 100% focused on conversation that leads to healing. It builds such confidence in a person to know that the goal of a discussion is my good. My feelings are valid, my thoughts are important and everything is considered in finding a solution. Do we believe that God wants to know our thoughts and how we feel about things?? I really think he does.
Second of all, my very best friend in this world is a Licensed Mental Health Practitioner, she's a great therapist. But what helps me understand this role in my life as a counselor and friend is that there is no doubt in my mind that she has my back.
She knows my story. We talk often, if not daily. She knows the small things and the big things about me and sticks by me. The time that we have spent talking through life is so valuable to me and her willingness to keep listening, and then keep listening some more is such a picture to me of Christ's desire for friendship with us. I know I have mentioned before that it's hard for me to cry in front of others, and Stef is my person that I can break down in front of, get mad, feel better, and get upset over something else, in the course of minutes. There's something beautiful in having someone that you can feel totally safe sharing your emotions and feelings with, and Jesus so so desires for us to bring those to him. He evens offers to take the bad ones from us. I think He's looking for that conversation and that time spent together with us.
I keep finding things in my artwork that give me such an illustration of Jesus, and in regards to him being our counselor I think he's a "reduction artist". I love to paint with watercolor, and I don't do it a lot, but the idea is taking the pigment and adding water and creating different shades and tints with water.
Now here is where it gets interesting.... several techniques in watercolor involve taking the paint back up or reducing the paint back. You can start by laying down something that will block the paint. Or you can lay something on top that will absorb the paint afterwards.
can you see the salt on the canvas?? it's so cool how it sucks up the extra water and paint so instantly :)
I think Jesus takes the paintings of our situations and absorbs and peels back layers to find the perfect picture of His grace. There's something so powerful in me laying down the best that I can do and then Him absorbing the sins and the flaws that I so often find in my life.
It also encourages me that the first draft is not the final product --- He is my redeemer! Amen right!?
I started looking for other places in the Bible where we see the word Counselor and most often in the Old Testament it is used to describe people that advise and guide, mostly when decisions are being made. But here is my absolute favorite part of all of this business --- perhaps what it all leads up to --- in the New Testament the word Counselor is used many many time to describe the Holy Spirit in our lives. Holy Spirit and Counselor are used interchangeably.
John 14:16
And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever—
John 14:26
But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.
John 16:7
But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you.
Oh there is power in learning that! The Wonderful Counselor is the Holy Spirit and he is with us friends. Always. He's in us and around us and with us and for us. His goal is our healing and our guidance, he is a constant companion, he wants to protect and intercede and fight for us. Man that makes me feel good. My constant companion and counselor is someone who intercedes for me to the God of the universe. Glory! :)
Hope you all are having good weeks!! I'm praying for big things --- I mean really big --- for you all and for me this week.
Beth
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